Ups and downs (II)

[Zues126]

Hey J. Glad you're posting regularly. Really glad.

You know that #4 reminds me of both what my DB coach told me and what I went through. I felt the way your WAH did. Kids were #1, I wasn't on the list. I'm sure XW felt she did it all for me, and maybe that's how she viewed it, but that's not how I felt it.

My DB Coach told me the same thing about working full time. She said that guys that worked a lot of hours and paid all the bills felt that they did 'their part' in the relationship. But that it wasn't really doing things for their wife. She challenges them by asking "If you weren't married anymore, would you stop working?" Since the answer was no she claimed it didn't really count the way we think it does. She told me the same was true for stay at home moms. If they weren't M, would they stop taking care of the kids? Of course not. It's for the family, it's contributing, but it's not for your partner the same way.

Just trying to help bridge the gap. It's not always about effort. Little things that are missing can be big things, and big things aren't enough without the little things too. This is coming from a guy that pretty much thought working hard was doing my part.