Wow Merrick! I would think your W would be more concerned about a videotape capturing her head spinning around in complete 360's than what is written in your journal right now!
Seriously tho, Briget makes a good point about not journalling in your W's presence. I was on the recipient end where, my W would journal about how she long to be with OM while I sat in bed right next to her. The first thing that ran thru my mind was ... "Why does she have to do that in front of me?!"
Lately, your interactions with her directly have given nothing to fuel her perception that you are still the "bad" guy here, so now she turning to thinking all your "evil" is in that journal and you are just rubbing salt in the wound by writing in front of her.
Merrick, there were a couple of folks around here that even kept two journals. One which the S never saw and you can be true to place your thoughts to words and one that was a journal of daily positives only and one that can be presented to S to read if they seemed offended by your journaling.
It truely takes a deep level of perseverance to DB in the face of such intense hostility and you have handled it admirably. With your level of detachment it sounds like you're ready to raise the bar even more. Start "killing" her with kindness. Look to do thoughtful deeds in the daily routine that would make her day a little easier. Whether it be drawing the kids attention while she is involve in the midst of something else or picking up something at the store so she doesn't have to. Not saying you're not doing any of this, but doing it more and more on a consistant basis ... even becoming a daily routine ... helps remove you even further from being part of her equation of who is to blame for her unhappiness.
Keep stivin' towards making today better than yesterday, and on day the sun will start to shine thru and melt that icy exterior your W is wearing as armour.
The first thing that ran thru my mind was ... "Why does she have to do that in front of me?!"
