That is a tough question. Let me say this. At the time I had to know everything. When I did it made me want to die. I was absolutely crushed. I literally could not believe that my beloved wife could ever say such things. I prayed for God to stop my heart so I could end the pain. I used a lot of booze and a lot of vicodin to medicate that pain.
I guess I have to ask what more did I gain by reading those emails? The answer is nothing. You could say "the truth, the whole truth" but really I knew the gist of everything that had transpired. Knowing every intimate detail did nothing to aid in getting through it. If anything, it made it worse.
Here's why. It's not really them during that period. You can't believe the things that they said to your or to their AP. They were really screwed up and not acting rationally. They were more confused than we (the betrayed spouses) were. They had taken leave of their senses. My wife today beats herself up more about those things than anyone else does. I've forgotten about that stuff for the most part. I rarely think about the emails anymore and when I do I do it knowing that those words weren't hers, they were that version of her. The broken version. It kills her that I know these things. I honestly wish I didn't. What does it matter if I knew everything or not? It doesn't.
If your wife is truly remorseful and you're working on fixing your R then you really do need to put it behind you. Now, the hardcore groups from some other sites will attack me for saying that. They would accuse me of rug sweeping. I'm not. What I'm doing is healing. Sitting around thinking about the things she said to AP during the A is not healing. That no longer matters in our lives. Once you forgive, you have to forget. If not then you'll never truly heal and the M probably won't last the long haul. For better, for worse. We've done a lot of worse in the last few years. I'm looking forward to better.
BTW, there are some other almost dangerous sites when it comes to fixing M's. Some of the hardcore people I talked about, remember that they're all divorced, extremely bitter, and live on those sites 24/7 pain shopping. Their first word to everyone coming there seeking help is "DIVORCE!!!" Stay away from them.
