You make a valid point. I have seen on threads where things start to go good, and WW invites to family stuff and all of a sudden when asked if they want to work on the M, the WW is like, "I just thought we were being nice for the kids!" or to co-parent. I guess the healthiest thing for me is to drop the rope, and if their is an R in the future it will be when she makes it blatantly obvious that is what she wants and she is willing to do whatever it takes. I have read it a bunch, but I keep forgetting that you cannot "Nice" a WW back to a M. Need to focus on me and the kids and start to build our new life without her, she is obviously doing that for her without us.
Sometimes I wonder why too. L advised...Car is in my name, so that and insurance is a credit & personal liability risk if not insured. Cell, well I need a way to communicate with her in regards to the kids.
Having issues in my detaching. Struggling with Facebook. I keep checking to see if/when she changes her Relationship status (still shows we're married), or if she is posting what she is up to, any new friends, pics, etc. Not sure if I should un-friend, or block, or do anything at all. I hate that I still have the desire to do these things. Not much activity for her and she normally posts a lot, so I am assuming she has a privacy setting with me blocked for most of her posts. I am not sure what to do, but I know this is "spying" and causing me issues.
I was in the same boat. I deactivated my account and that helped. I occasionally look, but nowhere near as much as before. I have noticed when I don't look I feel stronger.
Wow cubebot, I was in the exact same boat! I would look at hers, OM's and MIL's. I tortured myself over and over about it. Each time I went to look, I would think to myself why? I knew I was only going to ruin the rest of my day, but still I went. Heart pounding, fingers shaking and off I would go, only to get hurt. I had no will power to stay away, even knowing the ending response. Now I don't really. Every so often I look at MIL's to see what new insults she posted about me, but now that is only for a little chuckle and entertainment.
How it happened for me, is I made sure I got busy... Then I would not check. Once I made it through a day, then I bet myself I could not make it 2. Soon it became a week and so on. I found that time spans directly corresponded with me dropping the rope. Not that I think not stalking FB helped me drop the rope but dropping the rope made me less interested in her FB.
Try to just make it one day. Baby steps fwd. If you cannot do one day then say only once today...
Wishing the best for you! Can't have no in your heart!
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Tougher than me? Have you tried searching for Puppy Dog Tails or Starsky? I may have Coach's thread bookmarked, but I will have to wait till later to send them.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Here are his posts as "Puppy". I think by the time he left his stitch as "Chocolate Eyes", he did not maintain his own thread, but responded to others.
Below are his posts as "Starsky". Somewhere in the more later years, he gave the links to his personal story as "ole Chocolate Eyes". He has thousands, b/c he was on the board a long time in the SSM forum, until he discovered he had a wayward wife in an affair. If you find those links, look around the summer of 2007 and see how Choclolate Eyes handled this situation.
Starsky:
Btw, when Starsky first started posted, he was in disguise (long story), so the first few posts, he pretended not to know very much.......I think to throw the mods off, IDK. There had been a big house cleaning where some of the really "tough crowd" were banned from the board. I think maybe i was in line to go next.........cause the mods said enough to let me know they were watching me, but it didn't happen and I'm still here. Whenever Puppy came back as Starsky, he .........oh well, no use in going into all of that history. Just don't let the first few posts of Starsky's fool ya.
DB Mods have stopped listing those old links, but if you know the user name, you can find still find them. It takes some digging!
Unfortunately, I do not see his personal thread. He didn't give long winded posts, but what he said was solid.
One of my favorite tough guys was Robx. If you read any of those old threads I gave you, you will probably run across one of his posts......if so, his personal thread is priceless. You've got to read it. He saved his marriage, too!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Have you tried searching for Puppy Dog Tails or Starsky? I may have Coach's thread bookmarked, but I will have to wait till later to send them.