He doesn't have social media. But when he first came back he gave passwords and full transparency to everything.
Before he left for work he chose to have an argument with me in front of toddler. Told me I was paranoid, will I always remind him of his past mistake. And that this relationship is not working anymore. I said to him what exactly have we done to try and make this work. He said he's been trying the last year. This isn't true, when he came back and promised he'd do anything to make this work- I told him we couldn't return to the same r as there was reasons it had led us to him having an a. I addressed my issues. He did not. He didn't think we needed mc.
He stormed out, said its my fault he's going to work angry and that this isn't working.
I'm torn between feeling my emotions, wanting to cry and thinking what do I need to do now. How do I prepare. What changes shall I make.
I just want the pain to end
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Sorry to hear that Sweetie. Sounds like he may be picking a fight to justify his current behaviour. If he goes off to work having had an argument, he may feel it is 'okay' to carry on with what he is doing.
I for one have every confidence in your determination and believe that you will get strong and quick. You have always shown resilience and strength during trying times.
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Yeah I feel that, I think now he feels he has reason to end things due to my lack of trust.
Wondering if I made a mistake, but this was the inevitable. If it wasn't this, I believe he would have found something else to do to pick a fight or to justify he reasons to believe he shouldn't be with me.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Please don't doubt yourself - you had grounds for your lack of trust. And trust is the very foundation of marriage. If he ends things - that isn't because you made a mistake - as you say, there would probably just have been something else found for justification.
((((Hugs)))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
He is fully in this fog. My conscious is clear. I'm completely transparent on my part. As far as he is concerned right now, I'm the reason he is unhappy, the way he looks at me, you would think I'm out committing all kinds of sins.
I'm not even sure if me getting by and seeming happy is going to pull him out of this right now. Or if this can even be saved. But I know getting stronger is to help me. With or without him. I need to get there. I just feel so lost
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Cherry, if you ever have the chance to get to his phone again, send all the texts to your phone first before deciding what to do. If you should decide to confront him again, this is tangible proof that you're not paranoid. Will prevent him from doing major gaslighting like he did.
He can't accuse you of snooping since he gave you full transparency.
I am no vet but it seems like you may be back to dbing again?
Sweetie, I am not asking you to consider D or even S, but perhaps it's time to seek some legal advice as to what you're entitled to. I consider this preparingfor the worst but hoping for the best. Get your bases covered while continuing your DB efforts.
And please keep your cards very close to your heart. And please dont feel the pressure to act right away.
If you need to, just keep posting here, even if the replies are slow.
(((Cherry)))
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I agree, I think I need to see what I'm entitled to. As well as looking at places to stay should it come to that.
I think I am back to dbing without a doubt. This is all beginning the way it started. He's admission to "this isn't working" means I need to be prepared for the inevitable d conversation. And this is what I'm not sure how to handle. I don't think I am physically strong enough to have this conversation. I know I need to try keep calm and validate. Do I agree? Or do I say that this is not what I want and will not actively support his decision?
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Hi Cherry, I agree about the L advice, but wouldn't you ask him to move out if he wants you guys to S?
Also, if he tells you he wants you to D, you can just let him know that D isn't your choice, but if that is what he wants you respect his decision and won't stand in his way. Then step back and let him do every scrap of work.
For me, I helped my H out (and tried to minimise hurt for me) by giving him some suggested reasons to D me on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. But part of me wishes I had just said to him - well, I guess if you feel I have behaved unreasonably, you'll D me on those grounds - and left him to it.
Whatever you do at this point, don't beg, plead or say why can't we work on it. If he's in a wayward frame of mind, it is going to be better for him to actually think he has gone too far and risks completely losing you.
JMHO of course and hopefully others will chime in. Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
