Welcome to limbo land

[Zephyr]

There is nothing wrong with Anger as long as it does not get the best of you. So deep breath and focus on what you can control right now.

The sick feeling IS totally understandable and warranted.

So you wrote a boundary about not sleeping in same bed IF things turn physical...ok, that is one and something that you can certainly enforce.

What else do you have for boundaries...i am not the best guy on boundaries, but im here

As far as confronting, that is a tough one, right now all you know is he is being cold and distant And he has sent some flirty-ish texts...if you confront you will likely get a load of bullshit...so might be better to hold off....until something more difinitive comes out. There are others here who are emphatic the other way right, so you will have to decide what is best for you and what good will come of it when you do.

[Cherry]

Right now I don't feel I can control much. Deep breathes tho, I can control me. Cool and steady, or at least that is going to be my act for the night.

Boundaries is something I need to touch up on and work on.

I also need to find a way to channel myself like I did before.

I don't think good will come of it, but I do worry that if I sit back it's going to become more. At the same time, in this fog- it won't mean much to him. After all if he is going to do it. He will do it.

[Cherry]

Thanks guys for chiming in. I really needed a bit of encouragement so it means a lot

[JksD]

Hey Cherry,
Hang in there. I agree with what has been said so far. Don't confront until you are really sure of what you want to achieve from the confrontation. And you are ready to do it in an emotionally neutral way.

Sotto's script sounds good.

Perhaps you can post here what it is you intend to do or say. This will also take the edge off what you're feeling.

Go do something fun or physically rigorous to take your mind off things for a while. You dont have to decide what to do now.

In the meantime, while deciding what to do, you can observe his behaviour and continue with your dbing tools.

(((My favourite shade of red)))

[Cherry]

I've been doing a lot of reading.

I haven't even fully worked it out. I've thought of saying about getting a gut feeling. Or I've noticed you on your phone and hiding it away from me recently. I get the feeling that you are getting involved with someone again.

He's over an hour late from when he usually gets home.. This has quickly become history repeating itself. About a week ago, the phone was frequently left hanging around. And he would be home when he said he would. Now he's hiding things and staying out late.

Feel like going to sleep only I can't. And there's just so much rage, I swear I'm more angry than I was the last time around.

[Cherry]

I confronted him. I had to, I just couldn't hold it to myself. I didn't say I'd snooped, just I get the feeling from the way he is acting that he is involved with someone else.
Obviously he denied it, claimed he was texting "his mates" and said "well you have male friends, you even met up with one. So why can't I have female friends" I pretty much then said things along the line of after what you did last time, I have never given you any reason not to trust me... Oh and he also said he hates himself every day for the fact he cheated- he would never do that again.

I know better than to take this as a statement of truth. I know he's going to spew. And I know to believe nothing he says and half of what he does

[Sotto]

Hi Cherry, I can understand the rage after what you have been through and this fresh discovery. From what you say, this is perhaps in the early stages and could be escalating into more - and it's up to you what you choose to do for yourself at this point.

Again, I would encourage you to book an apt with a DB coach and discuss strategy - to confront or not, boundaries etc. If you feel more sure about your approach, that may help.

I'm rooting for you Sweetie. From all that you post, you are an attractive, bright and gutsy young woman - and please do not let his actions diminish your light in any way.

Take care xx

[Cherry]

Thanks sotto. My c can't see me until May so left working by myself until then.

That's how I feel, it's in the early stage. Last time I sat back then did the begging, pleading and I guess a spot of denial inbetween. So this time I feel I have a bit better knowledge.

I still feel a bit all over, but I know I need to start thinking level. Thinking of my child and thinking of how I'm going to do this.

Start off, my 180s I know need to be a thing. I think I've let my emotions show when I've been angry with him, I'd ignore him- kind of treat him back the same way. I know this is going to make a difference

[JksD]

(((Cherry)))

[JksD]

Just checking, was there any boundary about access to h's social media when he first came back?

If there was, this is not snooping. If there wasnt, when H gets to where you need him to be, you really ahould look into this.