No End in Sight

[TimR]

Thanks 1313, it feels good to do stuff to make myself happy. It was better that jogging buddy came to watch... even if I lost grrr I hate losing. But that was not what made me happy (it made me happier that she would want to give up her time to watch) but what made me happy was that I did it. I feel like the old Tim is finding his way out. I did not do it to impress WW, in fact I heard her walk up to a mutual friend and say "Did Tim lose yet?" as I was preparing to go out on the mat. I didn't even do it to impress jogging buddy, (although I will admit I snuck away and did a bunch of push ups before I took my shirt off), I did it for me and S13. Me because it took a lot to get in shape and go out and give my all for 6 minutes and it made me happy making him happy.

Maybe, I am self centered.... IDK but all the goals and new goals I have posted are for me. They are for me in rebuilding my respect for myself. They are for me, in knowing that I am becoming a better me. They are for me, to show S13 and S16 that no matter what happens in life you can confront it with dignity and honor and you can always rebuild yourself.

1313 you need to find something you can do for you. I know you are in a rock and hard place with needing to be there for your mother. However, there has to be stuff you can do for you. Paint that master piece which is in the back of your mind, learn a new instrument, write that novel, connect with friends long forgotten... You won't believe how empowering it is for you!