Ghost! Please!!! Listen to what everyone is telling you. You have over a thousand posts and over 8 threads, yet you are stuck in a rut and show no sign of progress. Stop wallowing in self-pity and get professional help. Accept the help we are offering here. We have no other motive except a strong desire to see you grow from, rather than get consumed by, your challenges. You have the strength to do it. You need to start making changes. Immediately!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Although we don't know you personally, we care a lot (otherwise, we would not be posting on your thread). But only you can take the steps.
Please get help. See Sandi's post for more detail.
