Way Too Late Pt 3

[Zues126]

Believe none of what she says and half of what she does.

When WW says something, how you interpret it tells us much more about YOU than it does about HER.

So when she tells you 'you never loved me, it was all about the money', she is just spewing...but for YOU to take that literally, and be personally wounded because you weren't in it just for the money, how could she say this, etc...well, you're the one being a bit whacky.

Put it another way. If you had a 5 year old that got angry and said "Dad, I hate you". Suppose you then broke down into tears and called your best friend sobbing, saying "My 5 year old doesn't love me anymore!!!!!" Wouldn't that be odd? It would be like "dude, she's 5 and throwing a fit".

Well, WW is going through her version of a tantrum. She's not happy with her life, she's in pain, and in her mind it's all your fault, the same way in the 5 year old's mind it's all your fault. It's not fair, it's not rational, but that's how she sees things.

Now's the part where you have to DETACH. What this means is that your identity is not defined by her. You don't have to live up to her standards, and in fact that would be impossible because she's like a professor that's decided to fail you regardless of how you test. So now's the time when you set YOUR OWN standards of how you think a man should live, and live up to your own standards.

I know what I'm talking about here, I've been there, it's a lot of co-dependent thinking. Like me you probably felt insufficient a lot, and so you delegated your self worth to her, and tried to earn her approval in place of your own. The funny part is that in my case that contributed to the breakdown of the M in a lot of ways...she could never fill the bottomless pit and make me feel good enough about myself, I always felt neglected and unloved and unappreciated because I didn't care for myself, and as a result SHE felt SHE was never good enough because I felt she didn't do a good enough job care taking me...AGH!

So firing her as the person that defines you and your self worth and taking that job back would be quite a 180. Live up to your own standards. And, here's a magic bullet...whatever affirmation, approval, admiration, or love you crave from her- give it to yourself. No joke. This can be a life saver. If you wish she would see the good in you...stop, and recognize the good in yourself. Whatever you crave, it's time to meet your OWN emotional needs.

OK, I'll take a break, more I could say, but I hope something in here helps ease your burden.