That's right, I will dedicate this thread to love and discover myself.
After reading V's message from my last thread, I realized that she is totally correct. Being a wife, a mom for so long, I lost the "Attraction" tools, mode.
I need to re-learn how to flirt. I am not a model, but I don't think I am the ugliest. I am not young, but I am not super grandma. So, what is keeping me from being a better woman?
MYSELF... Totally right, I am my worse enemy and I have been keeping myself under the water because I feel bad that my stupid XH left me to be with another woman.
I have been feeling less then I am, very insecure of my physical being, my accent, even my knowledge have been playing big on me, like my job, etc.
Spoke w/my IC after long time not seeing him and he said that even if I get back with my XH, that would be very important for me to experience some new horizons. Like give myself a chance to meet someone new. Or go on a date with another man. He even went far to say that it would really positive to have sex with another man.
He said that it would be healthy for me and if for some magical reason I get back with XH, I too will feel that I did it because I made a clear decision to be with him.
He said that he is afraid that I may get back with him and then feel I do not love him anymore.
And guess what? I am so confused about my own feelings that I do not know if what I feel is love or something else.
One thing I did is that I finally got the courage and wrote to the Career Coach, he sent me a lot of info and I emailed back to him saying that I want to set up an apt and try to change my life moving forward.
I feel it's time. I feel want to be more then this crying baby that I became. I want to get rid of this horrible pain that is still stuck in my chest. I want to forget XH and have freedom for life again.
I am really tired of feeling he does not want me. So be it, if he does not want me then I can't do anything about. I will care for someone that care for me.
By the way, updating:
* After Easter Sunday, XH gave me the cold shoulder. He is not really avoiding me because he is around the kids since it is spring break. This morning he picked up the kids to go to the mountains and he did not came in a house.
* I got only an email from him and that was the parenting schedule proposal. And by the way, he sets dates like picking up the kids from school until 5/30 or setting up 5/25 to be with the kids and forgot that it is his S18 Senior Night.
* On Friday 4/1 I called him and asked his help to transport an aerator to the house for S16 football fundraiser that would happen on Saturday morning. This is a fundraiser to help him to collect some funds to help with the cost of his trip to Florida in august.
XH was kind and did it. He said that he was happy to help us. Then he left right away. Next day he did not help at all.
So, what I see is a lot of disregard for anything that is important. I noticed that every time he is present and participating in anything about the kids, is because I asked him. Because I texted him and said that it would be important for his kid.
He is always ready to take the kids to eat out, go to a movie, or go skiing, snowboarding. But when it comes to what really matter, there is nobody home.
I guess I will just stop asking. Maybe one day he will realize what he is doing, or maybe the banana won't think about it at all.
I know I sound like I criticize him a lot, and that he is trying his best to be present in his kids life, but I can't be blind and don't see that he only does what is interesting for him too, like the snowboarding thing. He wants to go, and he wants the kids company, not the other way around.
Another thing is that I was checking on some French guy's FB page and I found a picture of XH and OW together at the last sales meeting in Colorado. This was dated 1/17/16. So, he is lying to me saying that he broke up with her since September last year. The jerk was with her this last January and here.
I guess the DB that I will be adopting now is the one to take care after my own business and make believe XH is dead. All the lies, disregard, disrespect... it all makes me sad.
I kind of understand the whole MLC, but I have no idea if there will be any cure for all the craziness because in his mind, I can see it, he thinks he is doing a lot and everything right.
And now, he is ignoring me big time. Like I do not exist anymore. I guess that is what he feels, that I do not exist anymore.
Well, the hell with this idiot.
I just got a call from the career coach and schedule an apt for 4/12 for my first session. Wish me luck! I will let you know how that goes.
I will change my life again. I will become a person I love just for myself. I will show this banana what he throw away.
