I believe the biggest struggle I still have (and have received conflicting advice both on this board and externally) is how much to detach vs. being present to her when she reaches out. In the lighthouse story it says to "be the light" and my Pastor says to let her "see Jesus" through me, if I detach completely and go dark - the light won't shine and she won't see Jesus. I definitely agree though that I can't be a doormat no longer and need to setup some boundaries and have around any type of "family" events.
I understand what the Pastor is saying, but I also know that she will not see Jesus in you if she disrespects you.
DBing detachment is so much more than most people's ideas of detaching. It is one's attitude. It is a way of thinking.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
