Hi Cherry, I'm sorry to read of this latest development. You know, sometimes I think it can be useful to get Intel like that, because then you know where you're at. Not where you wanted to be just now - but clearer on the current position at least.
I agree with Z that a DB coach might be a good idea at this point. But in the meantime, I'll offer my 0.2 if that helps. I don't think it would be a bad idea to tell him what you know - along the lines of - I looked at your phone and saw messages that were flirtatious between you and Nancy. You had an A with Doris and we both agreed to work on our marriage. You sending messages like that is disrespectful to me and to our marriage. I'd like you to tell me what is going on.
Response from him (don't let him gaslight you here - 'you're overreacting. I can't live with your paranoia, she's just a friend, how dare you snoop etc.)
Boundary from you - so, he has had a PA and is now having inappropriate contact with OW. What can and can't you live with? Will you still be willing to ML, sleep in the same bed? Live in the same house? Will you want to S, file for D?
I'm not suggesting you should do any or all of these things - just that you should be clear about what you can and can't live with and take due steps to draw your boundary.
I'm no vet and this is JMHO - in an ideal world you would wait for vets to chime in and/or contact a DB coach - but I'm just offering my opinion FWIW.
Take care (((((hugs))))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
