So when she got rid of her car I spoke with the guy we were renting a parking space from and told home we didn't need it anymore. I forgot to mention this to her, and she forgot that she would need a car to get to her tattoo appointment today. Today she rented a car to go to the appointment and when she came home first she found another car parked in the spot. She called me twice I let it go to voicemail, I wasn't aware of what was happeneing, so I called back after a little bit and she was saying that another car was in her spot. I told her that I talked to the guy... and he must have rented it to someone else. She said we rented it for 12 months, I was feeling that I didn't have full control of my words so I said "I don't know what to tell you right now" she screamed and hung up.
I then txted her after I collected my thoughts and knew I wouldn't just start defending my actions, I said I would park my car on the street tonight so she could park in the garage, and I also told her how the guy is giving us a refund for the time not used and that I would get in contact with him in regards to that.
She said that I could have at least said something to her.
I simply responded with
"You're right"
No apologies no defense just
"You're right"
Regardless I feel like she is very upset right now, at me maybe at the sitch maybe. But tomorrow is the theme park day and I need to ask her if she has activated her ticket online. Should I ask or just let it play out. I honestly feel like I have let things play out in the past and they haven't worked so I think I should ask.
Thoughts?
First date 12/24/13 M 3/12/14 BD 2/8/16 Working on it alone since 2/8/16 Doing things wrong 2/8/16 Doing things different 3/12/16
I asked, she hadn't yet so I am activating it for her as she isn't near a computer. Things seem fine via txt messages right now. She may still be upset though...
Regardless I am only going to be positive and I am not going argue/ defend myself which could be perceived as argumentative
First date 12/24/13 M 3/12/14 BD 2/8/16 Working on it alone since 2/8/16 Doing things wrong 2/8/16 Doing things different 3/12/16
So after a little while passed, she texted me and apologized for getting mad at me due to the parking space. And she was very happy that I asked about the pass as she hadn't activated it yet.
I have a big day tomorrow have to be a "different" man show her someone she's not expecting as I did earlier when I said "you're right" she wasn't expecting that so she didn't know what to do and it made her thoughts turn left instead of going in the same direction.
First date 12/24/13 M 3/12/14 BD 2/8/16 Working on it alone since 2/8/16 Doing things wrong 2/8/16 Doing things different 3/12/16
It is not weak to apologize. If deserved. In this case probably not needed.
Yes you don't want to be argumentive, but by careful about not defending yourself. Let unimportant stuff slide, but don't be walked over.
You are showing initiative and pro activity. That is positive. But I get the impression it is to SHOW W and not a real change. Make it real and for YOU and it is great.
And enjoy yourself today.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Had a great day, we got to go on a good amount of rides, I was happy the entire time, not just a show, she was enjoying herself the entire time. We even scheduled another visit since we got season passes. She did bring up another time we went when I was ready to go home after one ride, and I was just thinking in my head that's not happening today.
Now we are at home about to eat.
First date 12/24/13 M 3/12/14 BD 2/8/16 Working on it alone since 2/8/16 Doing things wrong 2/8/16 Doing things different 3/12/16
Sorry my friend but that's my experience. my WAW and I had sex about 3 months after we split. She was even talking about calling off our divorce all together...and I fell for it. She spent two nights with me and that last morning she was in tears...totally lost again...and she left. I'm not going to repost the whole story here again but you can go back in my threads from around July 2014 I think it was. Please keep your cool and don't be seduced into what many here told me was a "false start" I fell victim to. Sex, at least for me, meant nothing. I never laid eyes on her again since that morning...at least I'm pretty sure it was the last time because I remember "going dark" and in strict NC after that morning so to-date I haven't seen her in almost two years now. She came looking for me last summer when she was home for a visit...but I conveniently avoided seeing her. By then a year later I wasn't going to allow myself to be reduced to a mere...hi/good to see you/good-bye pop in visit from her. If I ever do see her again,which I suppose is bound to happen some day, I figure I'll worry about crossing that bridge when it gets here.
Anyway I'm rambling...sorry. My point is don't get too optimistic about anything...even the sex, because optimism leads to being a walking mat. Act like the sex wasn't a big thing to you. Certainly don't tell her how "special" it was or anything like that. Just be cool like it was no big thing to you. The power you feel doing that is what leads to you believing in yourself again. Because when you are two years further ahead in this...where I am with you...the sex will be seen in a complete and proper perspective. I remember thinking my prayers were answered! WAW has come to her senses and is staying! Then BAM! She's gone. And it brought back all that pain again at that time. I don't want to see you fall into the same pir of vipers my friend.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
when I said above that sex meant nothing...I meant if meant nothing as far as R goes. It did "mean" something though.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Thank you for the information ItHurts I have been looking at it as a possible positive, but not an all together rescue for the R. I still act as if she is leaving I will still continue to follow the same path I have been on. She says papers are on the way, we will see what happens if/when they show up. She kept saying that it was just sex and for me I felt that she was trying to convince herself that it meant nothing. Honestly I know it wasn't just sex but on the outside I will portray that it was just sex for me and nothing more. She said she doesn't want it to get complicated for me, again makes me feel she is trying to convince herself that she is done or something, regardless I am trying not to overthink what she is thinking or think about her thoughts at all, even though it is difficult.
First date 12/24/13 M 3/12/14 BD 2/8/16 Working on it alone since 2/8/16 Doing things wrong 2/8/16 Doing things different 3/12/16
Maybe a coach or vet would be best to advise. But in general it does not signify any change in their thinking. It us better she sought you out than someone else.
She didn't want you to get the wrong idea, so she repeated herself. So don't build this up. Give her space now. Do not pursue. Get out of the house.She is afraid you will be drooling all over her. It is what she expects you will act like. By not doing what she thinks you will do will give her more to think about.
Is she leaving at the end of the month? Has she handed notice at work? Has she mentioned anything? Do not ask.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
