So he has her whenever he wants and he has access to his family whenever he wants. Sounds like a perfect piece of cake for him. He's loving life. He doesn't want the family. He has walked out on the family yet still wants the family available to him when he is gracious enough to allow you and the kids to spend some time in the presence of his greatness. What an utterly soul crushing existence for you. My heart breaks for your situation but angers for it too because I know it could be different.
This man chose some skank over his family. He has to learn what that means. He can have the skank. What he can't have is access to you and the kiddos. Not anymore. That's not how life works. Make him feel that pain. He deserves it and it could wise his dumb a$$ up. He has to feel real pain and loss or there is zero reason for him to change.
So I know I'm not you... but is it really so bad if he cleans up trying to suck up or whatever? It sounds like you have tremendous strength right now! Keep it up! Treat yourself to more "you dates" if you enjoyed yourself. Maybe go on an actual girls night out while he watches the kids.
First date 12/24/13 M 3/12/14 BD 2/8/16 Working on it alone since 2/8/16 Doing things wrong 2/8/16 Doing things different 3/12/16
Hope things are still going well for you and that you are having some fun with your GAL.
It's very impressive that you changed things around so fast. I think you are handling well w/XH. And I kind of understand that right now things really seem like he is cake eating.
The truth is that he is still paying for the majority of the bills and you still need to get yourself in a more solid financial position.
If it is necessary, then just try to keep your distance. Sometimes things are not so simple as we need to stand by ourselves and makes ends meet.
IMHO, I would keep things the way they are and just keep my distance as best as possible. I would move on the more drastically boundaries once I was standing in solid ground.
In the meantime, let him go crazy for losing you day after day a little more. Also, keep saving on your register #2, it will also help you to start somewhere if those times comes.
You are an amazing woman Red, be proud of yourself.
Pink- I am..I don't know today. Struggling today. He does things that just make my head explode..like yesterday before a big exam to become a nursing assitant he shows up with flowers and kisses me unexpectantly like from some movie. I was just speechless, and running late so I had to GO..and then today distant and cold. It's just draining sometimes.
I am trying my best to GAL, I have my job, got my cna license, my jobs paying for me to complete some certifications online, etc.
I am trying my best to keep my distance. Have boundaries, but yes he pays 100% of everything still and we still share the house and it's still hard on that front.
I would like to say that he is in a "regret mode", but from the bottom of my heart I can't.
The experience I have from my separation from my XH is that they do this things and I do not even understand why.
Sometimes I read your lines and I recall all what my jerk XH did to me. Flowers, attention, kisses and so on. Sometimes I really believed that he was being genuine and maybe he would just reconsider his choices, but then when my hopes were high, I got the distance, the cold shoulder, the selfishness.
I don't know what to say besides that you are doing right for yourself. All what you are doing for your career is yours to keep and will always make you proud of yourself.
You are a good person, but unfortunately, you end up with some insecure, selfish, egocentric, narcissistic, controlling bastard that will need to learn a lot to have a decent life on his own.
I know you H has many qualities too, but is lacking respect for himself, you and the kids. You are the strong link and it's unfair that you need to be.
I guess all I can say from my own experience is that it hurt to be away from our spouses, but it hurt more when you feel they use you, they abuse you because they know you love them, they take advantage on your pain, and that is not cool.
So, protect yourself from further pain and let him be. Don't engage on his games and stupidities. Treat him his some caring, respect, but don't let him hurt your heart anymore.
I am very proud of you Red, from the time I first met you here to this day, I can see how much you learned, and how much you have grown. You are an amazing woman and even with tears, heartaches and wounds you will thrive.
I have to agree with everything Pink says. I'm being put through the same thing here with H (although it's less now, he's back to angry and difficult to deal with).
But you are doing fantastic!
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
