GAL going well. Need help with LRT and 180

[bigybiz]

Roiste, Sandi2, TimR - thanks for your comments, ideas, etc. I feel 90% detached. Primarily because we hardly talk etc. We interact about the kids, the house, I ask a little about her day and the excitement she has about her new/dream job (starting in a couple of weeks).

The bad behavior on both sides is down to almost nothing. There is no tension. She says she is moving out in June.

She is totally detached from the kids and I. The "issue" for me is she does the bare minimum in the house and with the kids. Her online friends and career ambitions are the only thing that is important. The kid see it too.

She is slacking off on her role in the house - says she will do something and won't etc. So I end up having to do it - i.e. registering the kids for lessons, etc. Some of it I do a little "tough love", I do the laundry - then dump it on her bed for her to sort and fold. I'm doing far more around the house than I used to - thx GAL.

She still participates in most of the family activities I plan i.e. dinners, movies, etc. We eat most meals together as a family.

Here is where the "Act As If" comes in to play. Should I act as if something good is going to happen between us?

We were planning to do a basement renovation - should I start it now? possibly get her involved i.e. picking tiles, fixtures, etc.

She is not doing some of the "chores" she said she would do and they have to get done. i.e. registering the kids for activities, etc. Instead of letting this be a tension - should I act like a loving caring H and say - Not to worry *name*, I know you are busy, I'll take care of it. Let's face the facts - I'm going to have to do it anyways.

I know asking and asking, setting deadlines is not going to get me anywhere. If I let the clock run out and the kids don't get into swimming or don't have friends over, etc - It's them that loose. Believe me the kids see what's going on.

Can I use Act As If - as a cover - for her detachment,neglect. Let's face it. If she was suffering from cancer or a brain tumor I would bend over backwards for her. If she is having a identity crisis, menopause, etc, etc. It's only a little bit different - right?

Let me know your thoughts and ideas.