Ghostbusting This

[ATPeace]

Otw thank you for your post

How do they repair these relationships by not looking weak and clingy and by moving forwards

Ok and this is the bit that I find terribly difficult to compute

So this repair I need to move forwards

So playing this out in my mind as to how things will look

Move forwards focus on me do the things that I enjoy doing spend less time with W more time with our children ....doing this already

Put the house in the market and move into separate houses spend time doing up the new house and time with my children but no more time with my W as she would by now have filed for divorce ..no we would actually be divorced by now

I will be working hard to pay for my mortgage and Bills all in my own with no backup and support from a second persons wage...on the nights that my children are with my W I will have nobody to talk to spend time with ...this scares me but we would be living apart by now and divorced so no chance of saying to W ....hey honey I am lonley tonight mind if I pop over to yours ....no she will be busy moving her life forward from me ....

So I feel lonley and end up dating again to find a partner someone to spend time with ...but I am not looking for someone else but I sure as hell do not want to be alone.....and alone is where I can see myself ....46 years old short fat and balding the oyster is not my world ....I am working on the fat part but even this is a slow process and one that I am dissapointed with myself for not being able to to loose the weight faster

I do not love myself and this has to be the starting point but I want to feel loved and fear that I will accept anything and this would be wrong

[censored] my life is a mess I want to feel loved ....and I cannot remember the last time my W showed me love I know this was a while before bomb date ...love is a choice

I want to write to my W tell her that I,do not want to stop loving her show her love,ask her to give me a chance and not to push me away in doing this I would probably end up pushing her further from me I don't want this so I keep backing off from her giving her space ...trying to give her space ...and so I [censored] spin and wait for the day she says enough and pushes things forward

I just want another chance