So time is tick tick ticknig the days become weeks and the weeks become months and soon I will be hitting my year of hell.
I am still fighting letting go and have trouble moving forward but what I do know is that out of the average day 24 hrs I am not upset all the time, I find myself only getting emotional when I give my thoughts time when I move on from them then I do not find myself breaking down
So intamacy I am missing affection I am not looking for another relationship but I miss like crazy being hugged stroked kissed the closeness,of sleeping with someone laying next to them holding them feeling close to them perhaps,this is why when my children come to my bed I do not turn them away.
I can remember that my wife used to say that I was not very Internet and it was all about sex for me that this really was never the case.
I used to want strokes on my arm or my chest but she used to hate giving me this affection.
I used to like touch but I do not remember her ever really spending time showing this love to me.
Anyway ....moving on ....yesterday I had worked most of the day came home she gave me the toddler to play with and I said I wold make the evening meal I guess I am not great at multi tasking as she pointed out to me. My W was trying to get some rest as she is working nights.
I was trying to cook tidy and look after the toddler and was struggling to do everything she was offering no help and just said that she had to manage and that this is what I expected of her deep resentment from her to me and I am starting to feel resentment towards her perhaps this is payback from her to me.
I told her I am doing my best but clearly it is not good enough and tbh it never would be.
So how can I build intamacy when my W has firmly shut the door
Hugs
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Why are you still even thinking about her opinion on what you do and how you do it? You have said repeatedly she will never see it as being enough. She is not the benchmark,you are. Do your best, learn from your failings,iimprove and be better next time. Repeat until you reach a point where you are happy with your parenting and householding skills.
If you keep the pressure on yourself to meet unrealistic expectations (your expectations based on what you believe she thinks)you will come up short.
Focus on feeling less resentment instead of rebuilding intimacy. Resentment will show through and will reinforce her opinion that she is right to not want to be with you. Plus it will eat away at you and make you feel worse. To not feel resentful you need to feel a more positive emotion, like gratitude.
Also you should work on being a stronger more confident man. Don't let her away with comments that put you down and don't justify that you are doing your best.She is not your boss.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
You are bouncing all over the place. Why don't you decide what your plan will be, and then work accordingly? But first, you have to decide.
It is pretty clear what you "want". You don't have to make lists of what you want. Nothing is being accomplished by you standing back and continuing to say what you want. Sometimes we don't get what we want, Ghost. Especially when it involves other people. Therefore, we make an alternative plan.
If you have no intentions of leaving your W, will you just say that you aren't going to leave? Not to her, but say it to us? Just give a solid answer, one way or the other about your decision. Can you do it? Not what you "should do", but what you know in your heart you will do, or not do?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank you for checking in with me why does it sometimes seem difficult to talk to her I am scared to say the wrong thing and upset her
She almost is acting like a stranger distancing herself more and more each day
I still msg her and have been trying to keep a connection going she rarely msgs me
I am the only one that can get me out of this [censored] hole of a life
She tells me she feels no love to me anymore
How the [censored] do pople ever restore a relationship that has broken down like this I work ,days she works nights what kind of relationship can this sustain ...well clearly one that has broken down
I guess I am having a spinning moment
Need to get back on track .
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
ghost you look weak to her and she has no interest in you.
how do people repair these relationships, you ask?
BY not looking weak and clingy. they move forward in life.
we all know that is not what you want, honestly I'm tired of reading the same thing from you, i can only imagine how your wife feels. seriously, think about that.
none of us want this.
but guess what you need to start dealing with it.
maybe i shouldn't be posting right now on your situation because i am frustrated. I just couldn't imagine being in this
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Sandi cross post I did not see your post till I had hit send on mine,I will msg again later
Sandi I know in my heart I do not have the courage the strength the balls to leave to make the decision I am not sure what it will take her to announce another man I don't know.....so right now I will not leave.
I guess this makes me a coward
What is stopping me....do I feel so little about myself ? I know I deserve better
I was not the best husband but I also was not the worst
I guess the bottom line is I do not want to give up hope perhaps I believe that she might still love me but does not trust my changes I want to be with my kids every day live with them
Will,post again later
Thank you
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
How do they repair these relationships by not looking weak and clingy and by moving forwards
Ok and this is the bit that I find terribly difficult to compute
So this repair I need to move forwards
So playing this out in my mind as to how things will look
Move forwards focus on me do the things that I enjoy doing spend less time with W more time with our children ....doing this already
Put the house in the market and move into separate houses spend time doing up the new house and time with my children but no more time with my W as she would by now have filed for divorce ..no we would actually be divorced by now
I will be working hard to pay for my mortgage and Bills all in my own with no backup and support from a second persons wage...on the nights that my children are with my W I will have nobody to talk to spend time with ...this scares me but we would be living apart by now and divorced so no chance of saying to W ....hey honey I am lonley tonight mind if I pop over to yours ....no she will be busy moving her life forward from me ....
So I feel lonley and end up dating again to find a partner someone to spend time with ...but I am not looking for someone else but I sure as hell do not want to be alone.....and alone is where I can see myself ....46 years old short fat and balding the oyster is not my world ....I am working on the fat part but even this is a slow process and one that I am dissapointed with myself for not being able to to loose the weight faster
I do not love myself and this has to be the starting point but I want to feel loved and fear that I will accept anything and this would be wrong
[censored] my life is a mess I want to feel loved ....and I cannot remember the last time my W showed me love I know this was a while before bomb date ...love is a choice
I want to write to my W tell her that I,do not want to stop loving her show her love,ask her to give me a chance and not to push me away in doing this I would probably end up pushing her further from me I don't want this so I keep backing off from her giving her space ...trying to give her space ...and so I [censored] spin and wait for the day she says enough and pushes things forward
I just want another chance
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Hi G. The last post is how you feel and that's understandable Now what are you going to do about it ? You agree W is done , she no longer wants an R and will not work at it. All G can do is move forward and improve Gs life for Gs benefit and no other reason
Do you still see an I/C ? I believe we all have feelings like you G but it's how we deal with them that matters. Accept the feelings because they are real but then bring your mind back to positive things and don't dwell on the negative
We all want our spouses to change, to love us once again and things to be better than they were before. These feelings can only hurt us because we can't change our partners. They have their own thoughts and emotions which we can't affect no matter how much we wish things were different. We can only deal with our own lives, take our own decisions, learn to love and understand ourselves. We have to accept that the only control we have in life is of our own emotions and actions. We all understand your feelings but the only person you are hurting is yourself. Only when you accept how things are now can you begin to live your life day to day. Who knows what the future will bring? Reliving the past will leave you in limbo and pain, time to move on, to work on making yourself happy. Only once you are living in the present the future could be an exciting place.
