GAL going well. Need help with LRT and 180

[TimR]

Acting as if, is when you are expecting something bad, but you act as if you are expecting it is going to be something good. The book gives a good example of her coming home from a trip knowing her H is going to be in a bad mood. Rather than walk on egg shells she acted as if she expected him to be happy and glad to see her. She explain while he was initially a bit shocked, he swung right into be happy. (That is probably a poor paraphrase of the story).

Detaching means not SHOWING that WS spouses actions are bothering you, or mooping, pouting. It is being light and breezy. Yes what they say or do may tare you up inside but you do not show it. Act light and breezy. Your a jerk, no sweat off my back, you F'd up my whole life, sorry you feel that way, guess we will have to agree to disagree. etc. It is NOT showing how you feel.

Boundaries are things you are not going to take anymore and the consequences for crossing them. My WW enjoyed screaming at me and demeaning me. Oh she would call me names and make me feel like an inch tall idiot. My boundary, we are not together anymore so I am not going to take it. If it were on the phone, I would validate three times and then tell her I will not continue to be talked to this way, if she persisted I would end the conversation. I actually did this several times, validate she would stumble over a few words and come back meaner, then I told her if she continued I would end the conversation. That would really set her off, then I hung up the phone. It worked she would cool down most times, but then others she would get worse and start threats. She was also good at drawing me into the fight.

I hope that helps. Others my have other opinions and interpretations, but that is mine. Good luck to you buddy!