Sooo, had an hour long conversation. Had my Validation Cheat Sheet open and at the ready. And boy did I need it.
I learned a couple of things:
--He still thinks I am very judgmental of him. He told me that he avoids telling me about work conflicts that he has (and just solves them on his own) because he assumes I will judge him. Am I judgmental? From the beginning I've just asked that he not assume I am his default back up child care-- that it be a request instead of an assumption. I'll be mindful of that in myself... but I also realize that he is doing some projecting. He feels guilty and is mind-reading me (which conveniently gives him a reason to consider me awful).
--His empathy chip is totally broken. I validated and validated. ("Thanks for that, Claire" he said), let him talk, echoed back to him his feelings, made him feel heard. He calmed down and thanked me. Then, just to test it out, I brought up one thing that had come up -- the impact this has had on my career. His response? Crickets. Literally, nothing. He met my expectation in that regard, so it didn't really throw me.
So, where do we stand? I got some insight/affirmation of his mindset towards me (he thinks he is bending over backwards to be a good dad/ex-H and that I don't appreciate him at all and that I am greedy for his money.) and while I'm upset, I'm not totally broken and I can see him much more clearly for who he is.
That's all for now. I promised myself I would get to bed early, and I'm too spent to write any more.
