He feels he is so justified that I often question myself. I feel like I am constantly saying "am I wrong?" Or "am I being unfair? " I try so hard to understand his perspective and then I doubt myself. I think I feel guilty because I feel bad about my imperfections and what I brought to our relationship... Being lazy about housework, not meeting his needs, complaining, being needy and negative. I can rationalize that it takes two, and he is the one that left, but still.
I think to blackmail you with the kids is horrific. I am sorry you have to go through that. They have to rely on their anger to justify what they are doing and that anger helps them to dehumanize and villify us.
Sometimes I wonder if I am villifying husband as well and not presenting facts accurately but only as I see them because I too am so angry and because I do not always feel the same way from day to day hour to hour.
