I'm so sorry your H has done this again and can understand your exhaustion. DBing seems to be an endless, thankless task. If you're like me, even friends and family don't understand and constantly tell me to give up and I'd be better off without H because of everything he's done!
How did I get through this last time? It was so much easier last time. At that time I was crazy in love with H and after only 2 weeks of NC he started asking me to go on days out with him and our little boy who was 2 at the time. After 4 months he came home but I know now that we rushed that part of it and I let him back in way too easily. He didn't have to work for the R at all and I think that has given him an air of invincibility. He seems to think he can do whatever he likes and I will just always put up with it and be there.
Every trip out I was the perfect DBer. No R talk, and always portrayed my happiest self. I cried myself to sleep every night though.
It is harder this time because I'm not as crazy in love with him because of the years of mistrust due to his repeated contact with OW. It is also harder because now it is affecting our children. They are older and they are hurting and my mummy bear instinct kicks in. Last time our son was only 2 and I just told him daddy was at work all the time. To this day he doesn't know daddy left for 4 months.
I had a quick read of some of your posts and I know how awful it is to be living like that. The last few months before H walked out he was like that with me. Look after yourself Cherry, I know it's hard.
