Roiste, thank you for your honest comments. I take everything I read on here in the spirit in which it is intended, which is to help.

Yes, you are right, I am focusing too much on H. I think I am still shell shocked and can't quite wrap my head around his claims. I almost feel a bit betrayed by him now, which is a switch of feeling for me, as I still hold a lot of guilt for my A. I must work harder on detachment. I must work harder on detachment. I must work harder on detachment.

Affection and intimacy was an issue during the false piecing period, but I just thought it was something we were working on as it was an issue we have had in the past. He never has been an openly affectionate person to start with (which was part of my issue pre A). During this false piecing there was no hand holding, hugging, or kissing, but he wasn't unfriendly towards me and would stand close or brush my hands etc when we were close together. We were intimate most of that time, no kissing involved ever, but he wasn't cold about it either. I felt there was some feeling involved. (He told me last week that he felt guilt every time we were intimate, as he really was not into it). That probably should have been more of a red flag to me, but as I said, part of what led to my A was his total lack of affection and interest in me pre A, so it was not out of the norm for him to act like that.

The 180s I put in place in 2014, I feel I have kept up with them fairly well. One thing H did say to me last week is that he had definitely noticed the positive changes I have made in myself in the last year and a half. Since I thought we were in piecing the detachment side of things did drop somewhat though. I did not think it was necessary to detach all of the time while I thought we were trying to reconnect.

Right now I am trying to stay positive as much as possible and to not focus on what I cannot change. I have made plans to get out of town for a couple days this next weekend. A break from the tension will do us both a lot of good I think.

Thank you for taking the time to read my posts. I appreciate everything you said and that you took the time to respond to me.