I know the marriage is past saving at this point. There isn't any thing I can do but to put one foot in front of the other. During my abscence from this board, I discovered that for almost a year she was involved in an affair, although I'm not sure of when it crossed over to a PA. None of that concerns me anymore. That trust was so utterly destroyed that I am not sure it can ever be rebuilt. And I hate to say that it has turned me into a non-trusting person altogether. I'm left very bitter by the whole experience. I want to believe that here are good people out there, but how can one trust when the very person the swore their life to did such a thing? I have come across evidence of inappropriate contact (others) going back 5 years.
I may have been able to forgive the PA, but not when she got our kids involved. Not when she sent him pics of our kids. Not when she took pictures of her genitals and sent them to him while the kids were in the next room. That's unforgivable.
I don't even know who I am any more. Even after I discovered all of that I still clung to a sliver of hope. The fact that she was carrying on the A even while in MC and saying that we were working on us, that during this time there isn't anyone else, etc, has shaken me to my foundation. I used to believe in people, but not so much anymore.
I just got off the phone with her family friend, "H". Seems that all my W ever dated was the bad guy type. One would think that after all the abuse she suffered even into adulthood from that same type, that she wouldn't return to them. But she did in her A partner. H told me that I was different than all the others due to being a normal, nice guy. I was her knight. But over time, she missed that drama and created it on her own.
Where there once was love and compassion in my heart, there is nothing but hate. She broke my legs and I have even learned how to walk again. I'm not sure I even care to anymore, to be honest. Guess I'm a little jaded now.
Honest question for all those on here who have had their spouses cheat - can you really get over it and trust them again - to the point you did 100% before?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
