When someone is checked out of a relationship does it make them capable of some pretty pathological actions? Or are those actions due to some type of dysfunction that perhaps we were in denial about and now intensified because they have no motivation to keep it in check?
Throughout my relationship I often wondered if husband was mildly on spectrum. Fits in with his career, mathematical abilities, weird socilization and communication skills, and inexplainable selfishness throughout our entire relationship. Now I started wondering if he is a covert narcissist because I cannot comprehend how else he can do some of things he has done. Not just leaving, and after leaving but many of his actions prior. (Might post on my thread so as not to hijack...but I am fully aware of how this can make me come across as someone looking to play the victim role)
I feel like the typical battle was husband did something I perceived as selfish (or perhaps not working or making decisions as a team unit) and I responded with frusturation and criticism. And we both became resentful.
I am well aware that husband would have good reason to site my negativity and anxiety as my dysfunction or diagnosis.
Husband and I bickered so much even before we were married. I often was frusturated with him and he was with me. I am told that we were night and day. On top of this we did not understand each other's needs and neither of us knew how to communicate. Sometimes I think that we married each other because we were good on paper and no real reason to break up.
I can honestly say that my motivation for personal growth is not to win husband back. It is because I realize how unhappy I have been and because I am realizing that some of the ways I have been brought up is not conducive to happiness and because I do not want my son to be anxious and filled with negativity. But yes, you are right. husband leaving has been the catalyst for me to self reflect and evaluate my contributions to the marital demise.
WAS has no motivation for self growth because they are in denial as to their role. They are unhappy, but they blame it on us and our marriage. That blame enabled them to check out.
I guess the indifference of someone wanting you to lose interest is hard to accept and extremely hurtful. Husbands neglect for past years has been horrible for me. By reviewing his faults and flaws and ways they have hurt us and ways that they were wrong makes it easier to let go.
