Yes it's really hard -- what's you're trying to achieve is extremely subtle. Your wife needs to understand and fully believe that her life, plans, and whatever she says don't impact you. Like Mike Damone said in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High":

"The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude."

So in that context, it doesn't matter if you talk for five minutes or five hours or what you talk about, because the non-verbal undercurrent of the conversation is that you don't *need* anything from her. If she's super happy, that's great. If she's super sad, that's too bad for her, you're still going to do your thing.

She loves you? Thanks for the compliment. She hates you and hopes you die? You hope she gets over it.

That doesn't mean that you're mean, or cold, or distant, you're just *unaffected*. When she *believes* you're unaffected, then she's free and also completely on her own. Only then can she decide to re-engage with you as equals, if you will still have her.

That's the path.

Acc

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015