Thanks KML. I am 44, he will be 50 in May. Our daughters are 14 and 10 and I have two stepsons, 23 and 20 from his first marriage. My 20 SS lives with us and I have been his "mom" since he has no communication with his biological mother. The first A happened just after 40 yrs old with a girl from work. He changed completely...dyed his hair, went tanning, gold chains,got fired from 3 jobs, not much communication with me or the kids. This time is different. I truly think he is struggling internally with age...every time he has a conversation he talks about being old. I can see the draw of the high school GF...nostalgia is a drug. There hasn't been any more FB messages and he hasn't changed his password so he isn't hiding anything there.
I know he knows I check the phone bill...so I think ignoring the call from the weekend is my best bet. I can't tell if it is test because I told him I would take his word, or if he wants to talk and doesn't know how to go about it. My H is a man of very few words. It has taken me years to realize that "OK" as a response is a good thing. I am not going to talk R unless he brings it up. I am not going to argue for my sake. I have taken up the gym again so my nervous energy comes out there...
I dusted off my DB book and am re-reading it.
Last night I was normal but not overly chatty...At bedtime he gave me a kiss goodnight and said goodnight but no "I love you"...I said goodnight and went to bed. This morning when he left for work he gave me and the girls kisses goodbye and said "I love you all". I responded with "Love you too". I figure if he didn't want to say it he wouldn't. Lately, I am always the one to say it first and I stopped because I don't want him to think he has to say it back. Let him initiate.
I am not being a doormat because I am not looking at this through rose colored glasses. I think he needs help. If I can't trust him then the future won't be where I am now. We will be married 16 yrs in July.
