Waw, she is in love, need advice/support

[Bear007]

Again with little time, work is taking up a lot of my energy, and maybe I will be able to post later.

Easter was awkward, later when she said that she thinks I don't love her and don't act like I do I said I love her, and hugged her.

I hate myself for failing the 360 but tomorrow is another day. Going out, getting a life...

[Bear007]

I was on a trip most of the week, and when I came back child came to me and hugged me. I said did you two miss me, and child was 'yeees!' but wife just rolled her eyes.

Later on she said it was so much better without me, and that she enjoyed whole place for herself.

Makes sense, with me as main enemy in her life she wants to move away from me, and when I leave, it is so much better for her.

She still has not found a job, and did not make any moves to her new life, except that she is not planning to spend summer holidays with us (child and me) because 'she will be working, and will not have summer vacation this year'.

Don't know how to react to that. I know she stands little chance to get proper paying job. She is delusional of her skills, not that she is bad at what she does, but she lacks other skills; like motivation, work ethics...

[sandi2]

Easter was awkward, later when she said that she thinks I don't love her and don't act like I do I said I love her, and hugged her.

You know what that was, right?

[Bear007]

Easter was awkward, later when she said that she thinks I don't love her and don't act like I do I said I love her, and hugged her.

You know what that was, right?

I think I know, but please give your opinion.

Also how to react in similar/same situation in future would be helpful.

[Bear007]

Yesterday she started again with this love/hate cycle - she wants a hug and sex, but says does not love me and that she can't wait to leave, depressed about not finding a job and suicidal thoughts (at least words).

@Sandi2: please reply on upper post, very interested in your opinion.

[sandi2]

Originally Posted By: sandi2

Quote:
Easter was awkward, later when she said that she thinks I don't love her and don't act like I do I said I love her, and hugged her.

You know what that was, right?

I think I know, but please give your opinion.

Also how to react in similar/same situation in future would be helpful.

Most women who say things like this, are playing the man. She is manipulating him. In the example above, I think she was temp checking you. She knew when she told you that she didn't think you loved b/c you don't act like you do......she knew you would say what she wanted to hear, plus she got her physical affection from you. Women know perfectly well what they are doing, when they say things like she did.

In the future, don't say anything. But if you feel you have to acknowledge her, say something extremely vague.....or answer her with a question. For example, when she says you don't act like you love her, say something like, "Why do you think so?" She's say b/c you never hug or kiss me, and you reply with, "Why do you suppose that is?" If that gets too dizzy going around and around, just shrug your shoulders and say, "This has been hard on all of us". Not to get into a R talk, but to not bend to her manipulation. Leave her with her thoughts. You don't have to comfort her when she plays these little games.

[Bear007]

Thanks, I thought that she is feeling some loss and that she needs reassurance that I am still there. I know I played this wrong, it is hard because this is a game to her, and for me it is serious life-changing decision.

I think she still does not get it. Everything will change, and then she will ruin 2 more lives with her's. She is not happy, I get it, and I am c hanging and adapting, but playing games... that is not the way I think (and probably most men don think that way).

In the future, don't say anything. But if you feel you have to acknowledge her, say something extremely vague.....or answer her with a question. For example, when she says you don't act like you love her, say something like, "Why do you think so?" She's say b/c you never hug or kiss me, and you reply with, "Why do you suppose that is?" If that gets too dizzy going around and around, just shrug your shoulders and say, "This has been hard on all of us". Not to get into a R talk, but to not bend to her manipulation. Leave her with her thoughts. You don't have to comfort her when she plays these little games.

Thanks for the mini guide, it will be very helpful. Also last sentence cleared some fog for me

How to react when she hugs me and shows affection when I am in some other job, like I am washing dishes, or working at computer, or even laying in bed preparing to sleep - she comes and wants physical contact.

[sandi2]

How to react when she hugs me and shows affection when I am in some other job, like I am washing dishes, or working at computer, or even laying in bed preparing to sleep - she comes and wants physical contact.

Since your W seems so immature and over the top unrealistic, if she walks by you all happy-like and gives you a squeeze/kiss.....as if you ought to be as joyous as she is........don't return the same to her. Don't respond with kisses & hugs. Just look at her as if she has lost her ever-lovin mind! Yes, she is acting as if this is all one big game and she's having a blast at your expense. What good does it do for you to mirror her affection? It encourages her to keep it up, and then both of you can play silly games. No, I believe the WW needs to see how things are going to be once the M is over. She won't be running by your house to jump in your bed and snuggle, and then it's ta-ta and she's off.

You don't have to be mean or act as if you are mad at her. But neither should you continue to join in her game playing. She needs to grow up. Another thing you can do when she tries to hug you, is slowly remove her arms and look at her and say, "really???" And then turn your back and continue doing your work. She needs to start getting the message from you that this stuff doesn't work for you. In fact, you can tell her that you don't play that way.

[Bear007]

Game playing continues, thank you sandi2 for input.

I am not mean, and I try to stay calm (and I am calm person by nature), but it is so hard when she provokes all the time.
As for the game playing, question: 'what do you think why I am refusing sex' she answered not with introspection but rather with accusation: 'because you are getting it somewhere else'.
Of course I denied that, but clearly shows her way of thinking.

I am having second thoughts if she really is WW or is she trying to just get away from me. She said repeatedly that she is leaving because she does not love me, that falling in love with OM is what made her realize that she is not in love with me.

[Bear007]

In last year since I enrolled in gym I lost 10 kg (20 pounds) and also got some muscle (so fat loss is even greater)

She also lost over 35 kg of fat, and now she is almost lean.

Now, we are talking about 2 different lifestyles - I am working 8+hours every day and commuting 2x50 minutes every day, so my workouts are in 6 in the morning, pure will power.

She has whole day to herself, so her lifestyle includes 6 training sessions a week with group coach. Guided training (by my experience) is far better option since it produces better results and it is easier in group.
Also when she has whole day for herself she easily manages to feed perfectly to suit her diet. She has time to weight all ingredients, and log it into food journal - so, losing lot of time on that also.

So, yesterday I was passing by her after showering and she looks at me with despise and says - you have been training for a whole year, and it does not show - why are you wasting money?
I did not even want to start, I know that I did a good, could have done better, but what is life without some chocolate or wine? I worked out regularly, not a week without 2-4 sessions...

I managed to stay in control and not to rant in front of her.
Almost got the 'Really?' look

Not happy, but she will have a rude awakening when/if she finds a job. And of course, she will stay unhappy (her choice) until she finds a job.