TxHubby - sounds like your a fan of exposure, did you take this approach with your W? how many people did you expose to? Did you find it effective to stop the A?
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
I thought I'd find it useful to share what I've adopted as part of my daily routine to GAL, in no specific order here's what I'm doing daily:
- spending 20 minutes in prayer - exercise for 40 minutes or more - read the lighthouse story daily - time here for support and talking to limited friends/family - trying my best to follow the 37 rules
Weekly I'm also getting out and doing stuff with friends and have revived some old interests that I haven't had time for previously.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
TxHubby - sounds like your a fan of exposure, did you take this approach with your W? how many people did you expose to? Did you find it effective to stop the A?
No. I took the wrong approach and went passive, so many here are doing. That was failing miserably. OMW found out and had the guts to explode the whole thing. That did the trick. Truth be told she had no interest at all in saving her marriage but it did cause her own wayward spouse to go NC with his AP's and beg and plead for her to take him back. That's the desired result for any betrayed spouse. Now I swear by exposure. I didn't have the guts or wisdom at the time to do it myself but if I ever found myself in a position like that again you better believe I'd expose to the world. Not in a mean way but in a we're having this crisis in our marriage and I need all your help in helping us get past it and heal from it as a couple. Affairs are absolutely dependent on keeping them a secret. Once they're exposed they can't survive. That is when the fog dissipates and you can work on fixing the marriage. It is not guaranteed, nothing is, but it's your best chance.
TX, how can friends help with this? Many of our friends know about W's A, and more are finding out.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
TX, how can friends help with this? Many of our friends know about W's A, and more are finding out.
People that have influence with her/those she respects can be your ally. Good friends will always lovingly tell us when we're screwing up. Don't be afraid to reach out to those she respects that know she's screwing up and ask for their help. Some might say they don't want to get involved. Some might help.
I have two couples that I know will help. Three of the four would each talk to W. Actually there is another friend, they've been friends since high school. She is actively telling W to do the right thing. W admits to all these friends that she wants to get back with me but has to do it on her own time, and that she just can't seem to find her way back or trust that we can make it.
Anyhow, I don't want to hijack this thread. I'd love to hear more though over on my thread. Thanks for letting me have some space here!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I've been making a list but I'm going to give her the 2 weeks that she's in "temporary" accommodations, doubt she'll come out of the fog in that short amount of time but will see. I did talk to my Pastor about exposure and he didn't think it was the right way to go and through Prayer I haven't been led that way.
Tonight has been particularly rough on me - alone with my daughter and coming to the realisation she wont be home. As rocky as the relationship may have been the past 6 months it was still nice having someone to come home to and talk about your day. It's that emotional closeness I'm going to miss the most going forward.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
So I'm really struggling with this whole detach thing - W every night is texting me (clearly having trouble letting go) I usually wait a while to respond, tonight she was sharing a a frustrating experience and I was at a loss whether to be empathetic with her or just shrug it off, part of me wants to show empathy (the H she's been missing the past 10 years) but the other side of me says to detach... how have you guys handled these sich?
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
I would not be replying to anything accept child related or really necessary.Otherwise you are there whenever she wants. She fired you, you are no linger her support. Her choice. Her consequence. It is hard but more effective.
Last edited by Cadet; 04/05/1604:52 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
