Life's a Dance-One Step Forward and Two Steps Back

[mleigh4]

I had very similar conversations with H when he told me he found a place to move to. His explanation was that he needed some space to think things out. He told me he was scared he would regret it, but just felt it was something he needed to do. I told him I wished we could work on M, but if this felt right to him, it's what he should do.

When he told me he talked to S about it, I knew it was real. He even asked me to go with him and S to look at the place, to give my opinion. It was like living a bad dream. I was calm and did all this, knowing there was really nothing I could do, to keep things calm for S, and because honestly, I myself knew I needed the space from his madness he brought to our home!

I also looked for advice, on how to handle seeing other people. I asked H flat out, is this about wanting to see other people? He said no. I told him, just to make it clear, I am NOT ok with seeing other people while married, separated or not, and if he did, I am out of this for good. He again assured me, it's not about that.

With that being said, I don't snoop, but have not learned of any OW. If I ever do, I mean what I said.

We cant control what they do, but we can set a boundary. You just have to be prepared to stick by it.

As for cakeeating, I have much experience with that! I am sure most would say I allow it. I struggled with it, I tried the no having H around, no family time, no holiday stuff. For me, part of the problem was that we would all spend time together, and we would all have such a nice time, that it left me in an emotional heap after when H would leave to go home. However, not having us all spend time together hurt too. I finally decided to accept spending time together, for what it was, in the moment, knowing we would go right back to separate lives. It took me a few times, but I have gotten used to it. Honestly, we all thrive from it, S the most. Since doing this, I experience a closer connection with H. What it really comes down to....each situation is different. You should do what works and feels right for you. There is no right or wrong.

Hang in there, you are handling things really well!