Life's a Dance-One Step Forward and Two Steps Back

[HaWho]

Melweb - yes, the MLC seesaw is unhealthy for you on an emotional, physical and spiritual level.

Have you read up on boundaries? Before you start looking into a controlled separation, my advice is stop and read over the boundaries info. This is very important when you have a cake eating MLCer.

Let me play devil's advocate and give you some things to consider. Let's say you set parameters for a controlled separation, will you actually believe he is following them? Is that realistic? What do you gain in this arrangement? Do you really want this? If so, why?

Back to boundaries. No one can set your boundaries for you. But, it's not as hard as it seems. The trick is to listen to your inner voice, NOT your fears of confrontation or your fears of not saving your m. You don't save your marriage at the expense of you. That is not a marriage. Remember the person you were long before all this started. Sometimes, your boundaries become apparent when you imagine the advice you would give your kids if they were in your shoes.

Once you set a boundary, you need to be ready to die on that hill. So best really to be true to yourself and not to just set them willy-nilly. He will test them so you must be ready to adhere to them. Otherwise, you lose all credibility and the floodgates on cake eating are open. This is very important (which is why it is best to take the time to get in step with your boundaries).

Once you have those you will feel more control because you will have your own personal roadmap rather than just reacting to him. He can have the moral compass that whirls around 'til the coils pop out from all the spinning. You, on the other hand, have your center, with or without him.