On Fridays I like to go out dancing with a group of friends. However, Lately, Brian has been dancing solely with me all night. Nothing weird has ever happened, he is a perfect gentleman. Not only that, he is a great dancer. We look very very good together. Great chemistry while dancing. It is amazing to me how we move in sync perfectly. I am the only woman there able to match his step no matter where he places his foot. I started dancing with Brian before I started seeing Chris.
I have been 100% upfront with Chris about Brian since day one. I keep no secrets from Chris, he even knows about you guys and the help I get on this forum, but he never comes here.
But Brian does not know I am dating Chris. I never tried to hide it from him. We just never, ever talk about things that are too personal. Brian has seen me with Chris before, so he knew I was with him a few times. But Chris and I are very exclusive right now.
Yesterday I went to a dance with Chris and Brian was there
It was a little awkward. The reason is, Brian usually comes to these dances with other women, but this time he did not and I think he wanted to turn to me as his dance partner. But I was close to Chris the whole time. And I had a ball. I wore a very low cut dress which is out of character for me and both boys were a little shocked.
I am feeling guilt today when i think of Brian and I am not sure why. I am not dating Brian, and we dont even sit together at the dance. We just dance with each other.
I think the reason is I was starting to very much enjoy our conversations together and I have a fear he will leave me since I am not perfect. What I mean is, me not being single and free in my head means I did something wrong, therefore I am not perfect. So I feel I did something wrong to Brian.
I did not do anything wrong to Brian at all. So I am talking myself into not feeling guilt when I am not wrong, but it is so hard. I always take on guilt.
Anyway, I just had a magical weekend with Chris. He asked me to move in with him. He knew I would say no. He knew there was zero chance. He just tells me every day how happy he is that I came into his life. He calls me an Angel straight from heaven multiple times a day. And he continues to say he will find a way to be worthy of me.
Yes he is moving fast, but I am pretty sure I have my head securely on. He is acting this way because I have so much to offer him, including a ton of love. However. I am still not 100% sure he can offer me as much in return. I do know that I keep asking him to stop buying me gifts and flowers and stop trying to be better, because I never asked him to change a thing, he still wakes up every day and tries to be a better person.
One of my biggest complaints about H is he never tried. He never tried to help me or make anything better. He just expected me to do it. And here is Chris, trying so damn hard every day. And me trying to appreciate it, but not let it change my life yet. it is hard, because he just appreciates what I do sooo much. His enthusiasm is incredible. And I could easily get pulled in by that. Because it is a little heady... and nice... and I have been starving for it for so many years...
And the more he appreciates what I do, the more I want to do more. Same with him. The more I say thank you for the tiny things he does, the more tiny things he does. And he is trying to do things my way. He is always asking if I like this, or that. Do I like it better this way or that way. He hears my rely and acts on it.
Anyway, I will just take it one day at a time and enjoy what I am being given.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
