We both have to reinvent ourselves, where they're carrying on with what they "want" or at least, think they need to feel happy. By detaching and moving forward with life, cheerfully, it seems to confuse them. Possible power shift? With my H, I have found he is an emotional punisher. H behaved badly, I confronted, he punished me for confronting him by being worse next time. Now I ignore (or appear to). I have found that if the punishment doesn't appear to affect me, he loses his power. It confuses him. This is how detaching seems to help. I just keep saying to myself, "I am the lighthouse". And then move on with myself. Still analyzing though.
I don't think you necessarily made a mistake making dinner for him. Just change your attitude about it, maybe. Instead of cooking dinner for him, cook dinner for YOU and offer him some if he is there. Remind him he can say no...then you get leftovers for lunch.
Oh an ciluzen, I agree.
I didnt actually cook dinner for him. I had more than I could eat and didnt start cooking till he got there and he just watched me cook so I asked him if he wanted any. But still, I don't know if that was the best move.
And I also think you have a point about reinventing ourselves, this is what I've been focusing on - just doing different things.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
