It've time for me to show my anger - in a lovingly distant way. He also thanked me for being so being so accommodating to him throughout all of this.
I want him to feel the loss of me and feel that he needs me but there are things that he will not address or take care of unless I do, and its tough b/c those things are affecting me directly since I'm really in a financial pickle, looking for a new job, trying to keep my apartment and save money to move.
Hope, please continue to post regularly. Maybe you don't feel like your sitch is changing, but a lot of progress is made when you talk about where your head is at.
Your discussion above comes off to me as controlling. Wanting to influence how he feels in an attempt to change his behavior is controlling. I promise you that if he feels like you're trying to influence him or manipulate him he'll pull much, much farther back.
He's probably trying to get free of you emotionally. I understand that's not what you want, but the more you try to reel him back, the more he will resist. If you truly let him go then he can be free to decide what he wants, instead of reacting to your tugging. So telling him D isn't what you want isn't helping you. Nor is guilting him about how you hurt. And so on. He won't come back for those reasons, and if he did it wouldn't work out very well.
The hardest thing in this is that we can't control our WAS's. We never could. And oftentimes it was our attempts to do so that drove them away during the R.
Your best bet to save the M is to get him to believe that maybe the new M could be different. But if he felt controlled or manipulated during the M, trying to control him back just proves that it won't be different.
By letting go, validating his autonomy, and breaking the co dependence you will be better off on your own, and maybe he sees that things could be different.
Keep posting.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
