So, here's my take on something. I have never, in all the years I have been going through this, said one bad thing to my son about his dad. And trust me, there were many things I could have said as he did some horrific things. I have not regretted that stand for one second.
Because at the end of the day, I wanted my son to have his dad in his life. That was and will always be, one of the strongest compasses in my journey.
My son is now a man and he still, to this day, thanks me for that. Once you say something bad, it cant be unsaid..so good on you for acting with honor. It matters a great deal.
uR ... my personal guardian angel in all this I sincerely thank you for always being there.
I am sure early on I have said some things, frustration with all this ... well it will get ya when you are not ready for it but I have been very aware of the fact S needs W and W needs S, their R is and always will be between them and who am I to mess with that. I absolutely treasure the R I have with S, and am so happy he opens up to me and regardless I do hope W reaches that level with S because she is really missing out on what a wonderful boy he is.
That being said I thought about it today .. I am concerned that he has had this MLC mess for 3 of his 9 years ... he deserves a happy childhood and I pray he can be at peace and too get through this, I pray this does not send him into his own MLC and I know all I can do is be the rock and explain things the best (age appropriate) I can as we go through this.
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
Your wife is still deep in the tunnel. I knew she was, but, you needed to see it for yourself. I am sorry by having to do that, that you were hurt again. But the truth is, it was necessary for you because of who you are, that you saw this through.
Now your job is to navigate your son through this and for you to continue on your journey.
You have been amazing throughout this and have grown so much. I always said that I wish I didnt have to learn what I did in the way that I did, but, I wouldnt trade the journey for anything.
While I know how deeply you were hurt, one day the hope is that you can truly forgive her. That is the ultimate goal. Doesnt mean you forget the acts. Doesnt mean you werent hurt. It just means that people are people and holding on to all of that winds up hurting us in the long run.
I know I had to have this happen. I seen a short clip about Lobsters, yup ... Lobsters. Talked about how they grow and gorw up to a point its painful, so painful they must shed their shells and grow new ones, the transition leaves them vulnerable but its that intense pain that inspires growth ... so yeah I took a bit out of that.
As far as forgiving her ... ugh, I was thinking over the weekend where I am in regards to that. Seems I have a mixed bag here, 1 pt she is dead to me... died in a MLC car crash years ago and I am haunted by her living ghost/shell. 1 pt disgust/betrayal/hurt. 1 pt pity, she is and has sabotaged all for what? ... 1 pt some sorrow/grief for my family and wife are gone. And the last pt acceptance, I have absolutely no idea where my life is headed, I do accept its headed where it is intended as I believe God has a path for me that he is not going to ruin by showing me the final destination.
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
She is still a mess. It's best to leave her to it all. The only chance she has of making it to the other side is for her to do it alone. Thats just the way it works.
I am so proud to have "met" you. And there is nothing wrong with you continuing to post. This site is family.
And if you ever need me, you know where to find me.
