Just found out 3 weeks ago - happy valentines day!

[Stormchaser]

Scotch - why are you not looking at the texts? If I thought for a second my W was still in contact with OM, I'd not hesitate to boot her out. This is something you have to find out IMMEDIATELY!! Don't pleasantly ask for her phone, demand it!!! If she has nothing to hide, then she should let you see it.

Not only do I NOT regret it, in hindsight I should've let her stay out longer. She suffered badly those two weeks. AND - I regret not telling the OMs W. Had I had the information about her THEN (it took me a few weeks to find her information), I would've let her know.

The first week I was fine. She was suicidal, locked in a hotel room drinking her life away. The 2nd week a friend took her in. The 2nd week I started to miss her. That Friday we went to our first MC session and after that, she asked me if she could come home. The MC asked us both if we want to make it work, we said yes, so she said any kind of contact with OM's W would end any chance of reconciling.

Through therapy, my W said she couldn't believe that I would kick her out - this showed her the enormity of what she did and I wasn't letting her off lightly. She also said it turned her OFF, because there was no way (at that time) I wanted to R and wanted her out. Her quote, which is typical WW speak, was "that showed me you didn't care about saving our marriage". No rebuttal mattered. "You screwing around showed you didn't care about the marriage" was my response, but like I said, they don't wanna hear that. They're quite in the "ME" fog.

First and foremost, dude, you gotta stop that with the OM. She needs to end it and NOW.

At least my W showed a ton of remorse afterwards (not something common seen around here) and is trying to make it work. She still gets snippy (doesn't wanna talk about it unless we're in MC), but for the most part, lets me see her phone, knows I check the records, and is very transparent to me.