Ghost Busting - Time to accept what is happening

[ATPeace]

Hello my friends I thought I would post an update to my sitch

My wife has told me in the past that she wants to sell the house and live apart yet right now we are not arguing and seem to be getting along better.

Yesterday we went out shopping for the garden and purchased loads of new flowers and hanging baskets she talked about how this year we can grow more strawberries and try growing some peppers and it feels like she is in no rush to leave she still has not been to see a solicitor no more clearing out the house yet I am still held under the constant fear of when she will push things forward and we cannot have relationship conversations.

So I went out with a couple of ladies that I know to a bar then a club I am not attracted to either of them they encouraged me to drink bought me a couple of shots during the night both of them came in to me .....one tried full on kissing me .....full on the mouth I am like hell no and then the other every chance to get close to me she would try kissing me and kept saying ....just go with the flow ...both of them have partners and I kept saying like no and one Kept saying it's ok and nothing's perfect like .....I am not going there no a flipping chance ......I was actually quite relieved when a total stranger took my arm turned me arround and started dancing with me.....only lasted a few minutes but non the less she made me feel desirable.

Things are much better between me and my eldest daughter we are talking more and I am actually teaching her to drive little or no fighting we are both putting in the effort.

I am so flipping confused as to what I want

I want to feel loved
I want to be with someone that loves me
I do not want to start a new life with someone else
I miss feeling close to someone
Sleeping on my own feels lonely

I know only I can make the change

Just venting I guess

I will move when I am ready ...just need to keep trying to get closer to this point

Ghost