Bringing Maybell's post over from my previous thread:
Originally Posted By: Maybell
Hey, Claire,
Yes, when I get to the end of the second week my patience is wearing kind of thin, but I wouldn't trade a full weekend with them, or to myself, for anything, especially when I'm working. And in my case, it splits responsibilities like sports more evenly than if we split the weekend itself in half. It also makes it much easier for me to spend time with my friends AND with my New Guy than if I had only half a weekend every week.
Also in my case, I insisted in our settlement agreement that the summer schedule be set by April 1st to make sure I was able to get the kids into whatever childcare camps I need. Your D is so little it's difficult for you to look forward to the older school ages, but it matters a lot that we know what the summer looks like even in the early spring.
It sounds like there is so much flex in your arrangement that you and STBX are having a hard time working things out. Trust me, this will NOT get easier as your daughter gets older. We have all the holidays, etc. figured out in the agreement. God willing I got everything that will be applicable when they're teenagers...
This is the part of divorce that stinks. I hope you can find a way that works for your situation that minimizes the frustration and resentment that so many of your interactions with him seem to generate. Hugs to you!
Thanks so much Maybell. This is a really helpful perspective. I think I'm ready to go to every other weekend, and we'll figure out the rest of it. When I was trying to save my M, I thought it best for him to be here more often, to see me, and our D, in our home. But not now.
I realized something earlier -- when I raise a concern, or respond to one of his, he either determines that it's a "reasonable" request (and tells me so), and so has a friendly tone, or considers it unreasonable in some way, and is therefore curt or worse. But rarely does he attempt to see it from my perspective, or acknowledge that my perspective can be just as valid as his, even if we disagree. I'm glad to not have to carry that with me every day.
