We have shared laughs and smiles and other moments that have been wonderful for me. In the back of my mind I keep reminding myself that she will be gone so I don't get my hopes up, but ideally with working the DB strategies I might be able to keep her... I still have to maintain detachment and GAL act as if all rolled into the LRT. Every day I wake up scared that I will lose her forever. Even though I know I will never stop loving her and never stop trying!
Anime92, this is exactly how I feel as well. Big hug to you in your journey. As I keep reminding myself: "It's not over till it's over".
Had a great talk with a DB coach this morning. Leni made me feel a little less hopeless about everything. Once again, I need to repeat this over and over: believe none of what he says and only half of what he does.
H and I belong to a camping club and usually go camping most weekends during the spring/summer with 3 other couples we are close to. In the spirit of GAL I was thinking I would continue these weekend trips as a way to get out of the house and keep busy. The book suggests, and my DB coach suggested, not telling people about our situation. However, we are very close to the 3 couples. Close enough that it won't be long before they realize something is not right. So, any suggestions on what reason to give that H is suddenly not with me every weekend?
Hi smh. You're h and your posts seem so much like my posts it's unreal. I've been through this and he just seems to tune in and out. He will tell me he doesn't love me. Then he will say he does and admitted to spewing and "don't why I said those things" and here I am back with him checked out.
My h also seems to have classic depression symptoms but will also do nothing about it. Ridiculed the idea and said why did I have to blame this on something.
It's a long and hard road so I'm not sure I'm the best to dish advise but let you know we are all here to support one another. I know myself someone popping by on my thread really help to raise a mood. What are you doing for you? Any gal activities?
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Cherry, thank you for your reply. I know exactly how you feel. I have been DBing for 20 months now. Had ILYBINILWY talk twice, and now I am just plain worn out. Completely emotionally exhausted. The only thing that keeps me going is sheer force of will to want to make my marriage work. Hardest thing I have ever had to do! Keep strong! You are not alone in this.
My GAL activities are a little more difficult because I don't currently have a car at my disposal and I have a dog. So...walking the dog in my neighborhood, reading, gardening, a bit of exercise, hopefully resuming my weekend camping with friends if I can figure out how to do it without creating a lot of drama among our friends who don't know what is going on. I have a 40 hour a week Monday to Friday job so that actually keeps me pretty busy...distracted...forced to put a smile on my face and interact with a lot of people. So that's actually a good thing since the first thing I tend to do when I am upset is retreat into myself.
I know how you feel. It is exhausting, absolutely exhausting. And we are the same in the sense of retreating into yourself- that's exactly what I do. I'm just fed up completely. And I don't even know how to play this anymore. A 40 hour week I'm sure would keep you busy!
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Cherry, I don't know how to play it anymore either! Today he told me he was going to the store to buy light bulbs. I said ok. A few minutes later he asked if I wanted to come with him in case there was anything I needed myself. My first instinct was to say no and give him his space. Then I remembered that my DB coach said that things like that can be little bonding moments, so I said yes and went with him to Walmart. Well, he was grumpy the entire time we were out, like he didn't want to be there! I cannot win. Took everything in me not to say "why did you ask me then?!"
Omg. We have the same experiences! Just last week he asked me out. I went out and he ignored me like I wasn't there. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole? Sure that's a sign they want us nearby?!
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Cherry, I know so exactly what you must have felt like that I actually laughed out loud when I read your post. Oh, the frustration of it! I think it is that they have NO CLUE what they want and we end up being their emotional punching bags!
After the Walmart disaster trip I decided to do something that made me happy, which is to try out a new recipe for dinner. H came into the kitchen during perpetration and told me it smelled really good. Then...when I put dinner on the table he sat down with a grumpy look, complained about everything, and took only tiny portions of it all to eat!
Oh, I wanted to roll my eyes so bad! I quickly cleaned the kitchen and have purposely gone into a room by myself to catch up on some Netflix.
