Need practical ideas to aid my 180/Last Resort.WAW

[bigybiz]

Well - took a big step today. It might backfire. As per a chapter in DB - change anything.

Thanks to my eldest moving back into the house. I said let's change things up. I insisted that we switch. She moves back into the master bedroom and I will move into the basement. Needless to say she is ticked off. It's one more thing I'm controlling, etc.

She was hiding in the basement, trying to tell herself she was my prisoner. I'm not sure if it is backwards or forwards step but it's a step.

My eldest really is throwing a match into a room full of gasoline.

As Michele says - continuing to do the same thing is going to get me the same results.

I'm not sure if this is a 180/Last Resort or a nail in my coffin but - we will see what happens.

[SH_]

bigybiz,

I'm not sure if this is a 180/Last Resort or a nail in my coffin but - we will see what happens.

Doing something is better than doing nothing and that my friend is the comfort you can take in your action. I read a post recently that said something to the effect of focus on what you believe and not what you feel and you will take the best action for you regardless of the outcome.

I am pulling for you my friend.

[bigybiz]

Thanks SadHub. I'm sure she is going to be mad for the next few days - so I will try and give her space. If she pulls the trigger and moves out etc - sooner it's on her.

Thanks for the quote. I'm not sure what the best action is right now. I know that if I let her hide in the basement for 3 more months the situation would have deteriorated. So now that she is in the main part of the house - let's see what happens.

[bigybiz]

I'm not sure where I stand - after some ups and downs last night and my eldest (D 20) telling us that it's confusing when we do activities together - we went out to dinner together. Me, D 20 and W.

Not sure if that's W wanting her cake and eating it to? or ...
I'm still confused by hopeful. I'm guessing if W hated me she would not come to dinner or the movies with the family and I

I reread the 180 and Last Resort sections in DB last night. I really felt inspired. I also, laid out to her just because she thinks she is moving on and GAL - that does not let her off the hook from being a mother. We will have to alternate taking care of our youngest.

I was accused of again making arbitrary decisions and making her the victim. I'm a little confused as to if I should be concerned as she see's this is controlling/manipulative or if I'm not believe everything she says.

Any thoughts out there?

[bigybiz]

Sorry for the typos above. I was still a little groggy.

[bigybiz]

Sorry for the typos above. I was still a little groggy when I hit the keyboard.

It should read - but hopeful not by hopeful and or if I'm not to believe...

[Melo]

Don't believe anything she says. That being said, now that you addressed her parenting, I would let it go. It is ultimately up to her what kind of parent she wants to be. Sounds like you are definitely doing your thing though! Keep up the good work! Detach Detach Detach

[bigybiz]

Last night I was rereading some sections of DB. There is a section where Michele says "if you woke up and a miracle had happened and your spouse... how would you act differently"

Can one of the moderators or other experienced DB/DR give me some insight on how to inject that thinking into my 180/Last resort. MY gut tells me that if I woke up and W was a little more receptive to me - I would be a little more receptive, affection a.k.a. pursuing. I'm guessing that would be wrong no pursing is the fundamental step for us.

I do like the idea of "changing my mindset a little"

Looking forward to hearing from all of you.

[Cadet]

Please start a new thread, this one will lock as you are well over 100 posts.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2666747#Post2666747