Hi RD, I can't recall that you've posted about your Dad before and I'm sorry for what happened. From what you post it sounds as though you felt - had I been enough then surely he wouldn't have left - which is a great shame if so.

Can I ask - is your Dad still alive and have you and he been in contact during your adult years? Were you an only child? As soon as you posted about your Dad and the impact on you I thought - aha, now we're getting somewhere. Normally, there is some murky pain in all of us from childhood that we're reluctant to examine. However, at times like these, there are opportunities to do that and to find peace and acceptance. We needn't live our lives held back by the residual trauma of such experiences.

I do feel that, even if our M's aren't saved, if we manage to transcend trauma and better manage our anxieties or insecurities - these are gifts indeed. I think you owe it to yourself to receive that gift. Perhaps you can accept that your Dad's leaving had nothing to do with unique and special you - and everything to do with him. You've seen and read that so many times on this forum.

Anyway, do post some more if you feel able and we can explore this with you. I'm sure V will be along to offer some sage advice too xx

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus