Yep, although we're one day away in date terms, it was exactly a year ago that I was BD'd. Probably a good time for a bit of analysis.
If my W misses me, she doesn't show it. In fact, at times, she looks positively fantastic with her lot. Of course, I doubt she really thinks that, but, from the outside, that is the impression I get. Part of this (looking at V's post on rd's thread) could be that she hasn't felt loss yet. Yeah, we're now physically separated (another anniversary, four months today) but we see each other at least twice a week as we have children. I can't cut her off with NC (I could if we didn't have kids) but I don't initiate any convo, and I only text her to let her know when I'll be in for her to bring them around.
Is she curious? Probably. Most of the time she might start a conversation asking 'if you're not out' or 'if you're around', so, she is temp checking that I haven't got another woman. Of course, I reply honestly, but maybe I should start making her think I have got somebody else, or, actively looking?
The kids tell me how much they love me and are very affectionate. They tell me how much they miss me etc. I sometimes wish they could tell that to W, but that wold be unfair.
Here in the UK, it's tax return time. If you're self-employed, you have to fill out a form so the Government can bill you for the right amount of tax. I normally do this for W (indeed, I did it after BD last year for her, in my 'try to be nice' frame of mind and she used it to try and get a separation order against me!) and she has asked about the why's, when's and wherefore's. I have managed to tell her nothing about the process, deciding that she has to make her own mistakes, which is easy to do. I won't be doing it for her.
I think W has problems dealing with the kids. I know this as she used to be desperate for me to come home when the kids were off school and she was alone with them. Nothing has changed there.
Then there is the matter of the cosmetic surgery. I know W has plans to see a cosmetic surgeon in a couple of weeks to get 'measured up' for a boob enhancement and tummy tuck. She doesn't need it, but in MLC land she feels this is what she needs. The consultation alone costs £150 and the surgery is £11k! My youngest daughter tells me that 'Mummy thinks she is fat and she wants a home gym'. It's sad, but I can't tell her she doesn't need all this as that is persuing. In addition, my W only works one day a week and is effectively living off the state.
In conclusion, I don't see how this can be brought to an end swiftly. My W clearly has underlying problems about her body shape (she is thin, good looking and has ample boobs etc.) and getting rid of me hasn't addressed this. I'm not sure I can do anymore than hold my current course and do things for myself.
I miss my W and still love her. I'm disappointed that her family hasn't had a more positive impact on her, even when I asked them to help her see a doctor for her symptoms - that I cannot forgive.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
