I have been thinking about WW and her guilt. More thoughts!
Brain cell is really beginning to hurt......
Those who have destroyed an M and a family with so much pain inflicted unless they are personality disordered are going to feel guilt. They have so much to feel guilty about.
As reality sets in WW is seeing the harm she has done and it bites. They feel little guilt about the A itself whilst it seems romantic. I have observed this with addicts and compulsives the guilt isn't about the addiction itself, they enjoy that. OM is a wipe arse and in fact there were substances involved in this and I suspect if WW health is further failing then this is still in play.
WW may be punishing herself with guilt because of her misdeeds. This I think will prevent her from enjoying even the 'limmerance' phase of the R with OM. She can't be even lost in her R with OM.
Truly WW is lost.
RD let her go her way to work through her guilt.
WW may need to feel that the cost was worth it, the greater the sacrifice she makes the more reward. That isn't happening with this OM. She can't let go of him for fear she ends up with nothing and has sacrificed much for a handful of air.
Clearly this is creating destruction for WW and it shows. She risks all in the expectation of something better and the land of milk and honey is a land of poverty and pestilence. Ironically when someone has an A they may feel the A partner is not permanent partner material. WW may move on from OM in due course although she seems in such poor health that this makes WW less attractive to a healthy partner. She is 'stuck' and guilt seems to be destroying her. I considered if there might even be shame for her and can't judge from your posts. She appears to be functioning in a work environment.
She will continue as long as RD continues as he is part of her guilt. Her romantic high is unrealistic for a long term prospect with OM. She wants what she wants and largely RD accommodates from love and guilt. WW has romance in her head and if her health breaks it's unlikely OM will remain interested. This OM is a leech and when there is no blood left will drop and seek another host. WW hasn't grasped how Rs work. It's hard to justify her OM even to herself.
My concern is that WW is headed for a huge health breakdown and may be dependant upon you for the rest of your lives. More stucknees and RD will stay loyal as a result of his guilt.
Of course you have a distrust of Rs and that leaves RD unable to enter a new one. Letting go of the rope of WW isn't about dating or new R, it is about detaching and having a GAL. There are principles to apply to new Rs and one of them is freedom from the old. RD whilst WW is still around in your heart this isn't going to be met.
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
