RD Movin on 13co

[Sotto]

Hello lovely xx

Just a couple of thoughts from me on your post above...

It sounds as though one of the main reasons you have given up is that you believe things couldn't work primarily as a result of your own insecurities. And you know that you couldn't really trust anyone again.

I guess I would ask what kind of life you want to build for yourself through and after this experience? Do you want it to be one where your insecurities govern what you decide? One where you can't really trust anyone? Is this more about actually trusting in yourself - whatever others may be doing?

I understand what you're saying and I feel the same way to an extent. However, I don't think we need to accept that. I think it indicates work that we need to do within to help ourselves rebuild the happiest lives for us going forwards.

I also think the guilt is another area. As you say, your W doesn't appear content and at peace. Perhaps her guilt means she doesn't feel she deserves much and she leaves the family home intact whilst she lives in a not very nice place with a cr@ppy old car.

However, are you achieving the healthiest and happiest life possible given all circumstances? Would selling the house mean you could settle and resolve any asset issues and perhaps achieve a more formal separation, which could help you both move forward? Might this mean your W could spend more time with the kids in her own environment?

From your comments about your W, it sounds as though you still feel some responsibility 'for' her. As V posted above - and I agree - your W is responsible for the choices she makes and for the life she creates. She is responsible for her own health and for the relationships she builds and maintains with others. She is responsible for living the path she has chosen with whatever consequences that path brings.

Do you think your comments may be diminishing her somewhat? After all, she is an adult and is all of the above and will never be less than that?

I think the other theme in all of this is - what do you want and what is the best life for you given all circumstances? If you were truly putting yourself first, what would you seek?

I guess I'm posting this way because I feel there is an element of 'stuckness' in your sitch. You are saying you are completely done and there's no way back. But your W remains in constant touch with you and in your home once a week. I'm not saying any of this is right or wrong (after all....what do I know??) just asking what is best for you and how can you move towards this?

Hope some of this helps anyway - and all JMHO of course my friend xx