Good old fashioned guilt because WW is 'suffering'.
Her choice.
Guilt is to let us know when we’ve done something wrong, to help us develop a better sense of our behavior and how it affects ourselves and others. It prompts us to re-examine our behavior so that we don’t end up making the same mistake twice. Guilt can be appropriate and motivate us to change.
It isn't always useful as a primary response and generally its mature when our behavior has been offensive or hurtful to others or ourselves.
The problem arises RD because your behavior isn’t something that needs reexamining over and over nor do you need to change.
You have already made amends and changes.
If your guilt is for a specific and rational purpose and it is healthy guilt then it encourages you to take action. I think this looping is self-punishment, weighingredients you down and getting you stuck from move forward.
This says what I want to say more eloquently than I can put it:
Healthy guilt is telling us we need to do something different in order to repair relationships important to us (or our own self-esteem). (Unhealthy guilt’s purpose, on the other hand, is only to make us feel badly for little legitimate reason.) While sometimes we already know the lesson guilt is trying to teach us, it will return time and time again until we’ve actually learned the lesson fully. It can be frustrating, but it seems to be the way guilt works for most people. The sooner we “learn the lesson” – e.g., make amends, work to not engage in the same hurtful behavior in the future, etc. – the sooner the guilt will disappear. If successful, it will never return for that issue again.
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Feeling guilt for WW pain, however, and not taking any type of keeps the bad feelings going. You have already accepted and acknowledged that you had some inappropriate behavior in your M, you have make your amends, and now you can move on.
I sense you feel guilty as part of the upbringing you had?
Guilt’s purpose isn’t to make you feel bad just for the sake of it.
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If your guilt isn’t trying to correct an actual mistake you made in your behavior (e.g., it’s unhealthy guilt), then there’s not a whole lot you need to learn. Instead of learning how to change that behavior, a person can instead try to understand why a simple behavior most people wouldn’t feel guilty about is making one feel guilty.
You fail feel guilty for your imperfection although that doesn’t exist in anyone. Everyone posting here in DB land has made mistakes, some of us the same ones over and over again. Let go of your guilt that WW has an u happy life because that is her choice RD. Behaviours have consequences, one of the results of putting an OM before you family is the loss of regard by your family. Her choice.
Not your monkeys, not your circus. I think you have taken the guilt on board.
Sometimes we read into another's sitch that which is in our own. You have advised me several time that I absorbed the whole blame for things which were not mine to own. I couldn't see it until recently, now I do. It kept me stuck. I think the same applies to RD. With a little twist, guilt.
Sadly I think this guilt keeps RD and his WW stuck, both looping.
I hope this helps RD, I would have you free to become.
I would have you free of this to be the most attractive RD that he can be.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
