Way Too Late Pt 3

[1313]

Journaling:

I'm wondering what the problem is setting a court date?
The WW's L got the note on Monday. My L just sent off the documents showing charges on my CC's.

I wish I knew what was going on in her head. I'd like to guess, but somebody else has occupied her body. Every time I guess it's got something to do with her getting cold feet, I get slapped down.

I'd love to just be able to ask. But I know that would push her away like similar poles on 2 magnets. But you'd think, if she was in such a flippin' hurry she'd have jumped at the first possible date in 2 weeks. Or, is she going to try to pick the worst possible day - which would be on the day of the art auction? Yeah, I'd already have to take a 7 hour car drive to get there. I'd plan several days around it. Thought about seeing if a friend wanted to go. Not sure I could handle it alone (if the WW goes). I'm getting together with him on Monday.

So, I haven't seen my pup since 1/27. It's getting really depressing. I had no idea how much it would hurt - it literally feels like I got punched in the stomach sometimes. I would do anything for just 5 minutes with her. Why would the WW want to inflict such pain? Like she hasn't already. Nope, I can inflict just a little more pain...

And you know? I'd deserve it if I had an A on the WW. If I beat her. If I was mentally abusive to her. Yes, I've screwed up. Guilty as charged. I understand she needs to make a monster out of me to excuse her actions. Justification. But do you give a prisoner going to execution a rubber hamburger for a last meal? What gives?

I feel so desperate I want to go get into the house. I could figure it out I think, but who knows what the WW would do if she found out. Besides, I gave that up apparently. So I probably could get in trouble for all I know. Go to jail for trying to see a little dog.

Sigh.

I really hate this. I hate where I am, where she put me. If only I hadn't been such a sap - such a gullible trusting sap. If I'd have figured things out almost a year ago I could have set myself up for success, and been in an entirely different situation. It's like she planned this for maximum damage, putting me into this bizarre catch-22.

Oh, and my friend up there? His real estate coach W? She's the one that paid for my W's flight tix and part of her stay in Italy last June. Pretty nice, huh? Wonder how she'd feel if she knew that the WW added 2 more weeks to her trip in mid April so she could hook up with the OM? But I'm the jerk. The W is maintaining her golden reputation, and I'm the jerk. Yeah, that's hard to swallow.

That reminds me! The old neighbor I ran into at the market a week or so ago? She had a comment when I mentioned my disgust about the Italy trip. She thought it was strange at the time - when the W was posting pictures on FB (I never saw them because who would friend their H?) they were only of the W. She's off and out all by herself, yet somebody is taking pictures of her everywhere she goes. (not selfies) Made sense to the neighbor all of a sudden.

Since the W gave me her camera to get the photos off of her card, I was surprised at how few photos or videos there were. If I was in Italy I'd have been going nuts taking pictures. Guess somebody else was doing the photography.