WAW is angry and filing divorce

[SH_]

Journaling continued for Thursday.

It was a tough day because I caught some stomach flu bug (D5 had it over the weekend) but I made it through the work day and got home before all of the girls. I laid down because I was running a fever and my head and stomach were screaming at me. I dozed off for a few minutes and then I was awakened to WAW and D17 screaming and arguing with each other. They went from room to room and so I heard bits and pieces, but I heard WAW telling D17 that it is not her fault and I heard D17 say that her mom told her it was her fault for her relationship with her dad, and her mom said no, it is his fault that he is manipulating you etc. This went on for 20 minutes or so, and I would have just went outside, but I was not feeling well enough to move barely. Then I heard my D17 say things like she does want to even be alive because she will be alone, because she does not have any friends and the 2 people that she trusts are not going to be together again she just does not want to even exist. This is when I sat up and wanted to go in and stop the argument, but I decided to let them try and get through it. I laid back down as the room started swirling. Not a good time for being sick to say the least.

Then a few minutes later I heard the door swing open and WAW flipped on the light and said, "Did you hear that?" I sat up slowly and said I heard some of it. She then said she wants to stay with you because she is afraid that you will kill yourself.
I was caught off guard with that comment and did not know what to say. I then said, What? What are you talking about?
She then stated, you have trapped me here for 10 years because I am always afraid you would hurt yourself if I left, and now your daughter thinks the same thing. I asked where are you getting this from? You are not making any sense with the ongoing accusations of things that I have done. She then began to scream at me for many things that I can't recall and even got right up into my face as I sat there trying to compute all of the things she was saying. She screamed that I needed to act like man and stop doing all of these things and quit acting depressed. She was shaking and raising her arms at me and I responded in surprise, are you going to hit me or something. This appeared to catch her off guard and she backed up.
I then told her that I am meeting with an IC, a coach and our Bishop each week to work on my issues and to focus on being a better man, father and husband. I said that I understand that I have hurt you in ways that I never intended, and that no matter what the list of things are that you have created, but not shared, I have identified a much longer list that I do not want to repeat. I asked her to just listen to her daughter and acknowledge what she says and needs and be cautious in telling her what to do to avoid damaging the relationship through arguments when things are said that may not be meant. She seemed to calm down and even sat down on the bed next to me and lowered her voice and spoke with me in a rational manner.

Side note, my daughter has suffered with depression and social anxiety for many years and has been working with me on these things. My WAW has expressed that she believes our daughter is that way because of me. In my sessions with the IC I am learning things about this that I wish I would have known years ago, but as I have stated earlier in this thread, my wife and her family look down on these types of thoughts and do not think that depression and other mental illnesses are real so to speak.
Also a few weeks before the BD I recall my W bringing up in a random conversation that she remembered a time that she thought I was going to hurt myself after an argument 10 years prior. My reaction was a bit surprised and I kind of blew it off, but I did ask, what are you talking about. She stated that I had gone into our bedroom at the time and locked the door and she knew that I had some guns stored in the room. I said I have gone in the other room on many occasions out of frustration, but the thought of harming myself has never come to mind. She replied that she thought I was going to do something harmful. She has now brought this same incident several times since the BD. Is she rewriting history here?

I shared some minimum information related to what I have recently learned and encouraged my wife to at least look into it so that she may understand where her daughter is coming from. She agreed that she would look into it.

She left a couple of hours to go to a church thing. But her comments about my daughters fear that I would harm myself bothered me so I wanted to understand if my D17 was feeling that way. I asked her if there was something I had done or said that made her feel that I would harm myself. D17 responded no. I asked if she had said that she was afraid that I would, she said no. She said that she had talked about being worried or herself that she would "fall in a pit of despair" This is a term my D17 has used for many years when she felt depressed. She then said that she expressed to her mom that she worried about me falling in that pit as well, but she has never worried about me harming myself.

I know this may not have been a good approach, but I asked my wife about this, this morning and she got defensive when I mentioned I had spoken with our D17. Then I asked her to be cautious with this ongoing accusation as there is no basis whatsoever, and can only cause un needed issues for many people if she continues to say this.

My questions or requests for advice, here are based on I know not to believe anything WAW says and only half of what she does, but it is a challenge when these types of accusations are made and when it involves dragging my D17 into the middle of it. And who knows who else she says this to.

Also any tips not to get caught into the things she says as she rewrites history are appreciated.

Thank you all for listening as I write out and work to keep the sanity.