Getting out of in house S (8)

[RAI]

Wow, Vapo! I thought I was harsh
Seriously though, Vise. What we are saying is coming from a place of caring and love. Believe me, we are all struggling along with you. I usually have much more clarity about other DBer's sitchs than my own (unfortunately, it is easier to give advice than to take it).

The bottom line is, until you 1) drop the rope, 2) stop worrying about what your W is doing 3) expect nothing from your W, and 4) begin focusing on yourself, you are not going to grow into the Man (capital M) you are destined to be. Why do you care so much about this wedding? My bet is that you are feeling unloved. So love yourself. Give love to others who appreciate it and want to reciprocate. Stop wasting time hoping your wife will reciprocate. She won't.

I never knew how painful emotional pain could be until after I found out about WWs A. I know how painful things are for you. There were times I wanted to die, so I would not have to feel the pain. But I am fortunate to have an amazing family who smack me back into reality when I lose perspective like this. We don't know why we are going through this, but if you gain nothing from the experience, then it will have been a meaningless waste of time. Instead, try to figure out what is being asked of you and rise to the occasion. YOU are putting up your own obstacles to your progress, NOT YOUR WIFE.

On of the loses she has felt is me not going to her family events. But now I don't know if that is a loss to her as she is not inviting me to family events.

Not much of a loss, then. Your W is cake eating.

So for me being a prikc, wont that just justify her S?

I don't give a flying cr*p about her reason for S. You shouldn't either. There is no justification that will satisfy your curiosity. Don't waste time trying to make sense of it. She is S, does it matter why anymore?

but I do know that W is happier if I don't talk to anyone that has nay connection to my family.

why are you so obsessed with your Ws happiness? If, today, you met a woman who acts like your W is acting, you wouldn't come near her with a 10-foot pole.

Yes I have lost some of myself and have found other parts.

what parts?

I don't know If W is playing nice with me or if it is sincer

see previous post, or better yet:

The acts of kindness are meant to lessen her own guilt, temp check, and/or to keep you from dropping the rope.

I feel like asking her if there is another man. To have a R talk. to find out where she stands right now. Is she looking to date after moving out?

Where she stands? for real? She is shouting from the rooftops that she is done with you, and you want to see where she stands? Who cares what she does after moving out. WHO CARES? right now, you care more about your W than yourself. which leads me to the following:

but until you start having some more respect for yourself, no one else will treat you with respect.

^^^^Wish I had said that.

I am doing my best to stay afloat.

You only think you are doing your best. Life is funny in that way. Just when you think you are doing your best, along comes an even harder test. It is like weight lifting. You are building up some serious struggle muscles. You can do this, buddy. You can.

The contacting my family I guess is an option but also a door I cant close once it open.

Not sure what you mean. Please clarify. You are very alone and need support.

That if I am not invited how can she expect me to have any type of R with her.

Please tell me you are not basing your R on whether or not you are invited.

Not inviting me, it to me the biggest slap in the face right now.

Forget the wedding!! My wife had more sympathy for an adopted stray cat that she had to give away than for me. At the time I was really smarting from that - I still feel it some time. But our Ws are crazy right now. If someone in a psychiatric hospital called you an idiot, would it bother you? Our wives are completely irrational now and doing whatever it takes to justify of their actions and beliefs.

Its one thing to say hey we need to have a S. I need to have space to save our MR. To give it a chance we need to S.

Your W will say whatever it takes to achieve her aims. She cannot be trusted. Furthermore, t is not your job to save your MR. It is your job to be the best vise82 you can be. No more, no less.

Its another thing to say you are not my family and I am excluding you from this wedding and every person that is invited to the wedding means more to us than you do.

And if your W is really saying that? then what? does that make you a less valuable person. You are a good soul. A good person. Are you going to let them determine your value?

vise82, I was one of the first people who posted on your thread, way back. I believe in you. I will check in. go out and find your awesome. It is inside of you.

RAI