Thanks for taking the time to respond and share your insight. I guess I have been glossing over some details.
Snooping/Distrusting has always been something I have done. For no reason ever in the past. I always accused her of wanting to be unfaithful because of my own insecurities.
She has never had an affair before and she apologized and said that I deserved better. She did say that she will stop talking to him. The PA was one night and I called her and said we were finished and she left him immediately and came home.
So when I say I want her to trust me, I more mean that I want to show her I am capable of not being the man I was. Unfortunately, I was a very insecure man and snooping was something I did that caused her pain/resentment because she wasn't doing anything.
I have said no sometimes, but not often. Typically when she wants something, I give it to her. I have come to understand that is because that is how I would try to show her I loved her. I was very disconnected emotionally and I figured if I have her things she wanted it would be enough. This is very tied in with my insecurities.
She actually did not get upset at my snooping in catching her affair. Honestly, I think she just expected that to happen.
The problem is that I want to be intimate with her. I believe she is sorry for the affair. If I learn otherwise, I will be angry and not have a desire to be intimate with her.
Me - 32 WW - 30 D 11, D 3, D 2 T - 9 years M - 8 years BD - 2/16
