my wife is a waw! trying everything to save it!

[anime92]

Oh yea cadet I read through the homework the first day I was on here. All it seems like I do these days is read on this forum. Lol I want to contribute to as many other threads as possible it's just so much information on each one I get overwhelmed. I try to start with the shorter threads.

Maybe is there a way to consolidate a thread into bullet points after so many post? Or summarize so that someone can contribute faster?

[Cadet]

Maybe is there a way to consolidate a thread into bullet points after so many post? Or summarize so that someone can contribute faster?

Each thread is for your own use.

So if you would like to do that for yourself it is a good idea.
Some people put some of this info in their signatures.
Just don't expect me to do it...... LOL!

And yes posting on other peoples threads is a good way to get more people to post on your thread.
Even if you don't have much to say it still helps to know that you have support.

[roist]

If you see some info or advice you like on another thread, copy it to yours. I remember loads of times wanting to reread something but not be able to find it.

Concentrate on learning and absorbing for now. Support others if you want. Don't pressure yourself to contribute. Rome wasn't built in a day.

[anime92]

So would everyone agree that if sex happens it would most likely be a bad thing or a good thing, not necessarily a quick fix but maybe a step forward?

[anime92]

I am resisting all my urges. I feel as thought we are having moments again, like at the beginning, I may just be imaging them. We went grocery shopping this morning and other than the long lines at costco and all the other people stopping in the midle of the lanes I feel like we had a good time together.

I continue to wonder if this is the best thing or if I should be practicing more of a no contact style? I know that in the past she has mentioned she didn't like it when I ignored her if I was upset, so I can't just go about in a way that may come off as ignoreing her. At least that's what I believe.

I honestly fear that this whole process isn't even going to start til she is gone and is without me. That's why I wonder if I should be less available to her.

[roist]

Get busy but not cold.

How can you go NC living in a small apartment?What are your sleeping arrangements by the way?

[anime92]

Separate sleeping, she works graveyard shift, 22:00-08:00 since her promotion back in December. Due to the fact we both work together I was taken off graveyard because she cannot be my direct supervisor, and she is the manager over all on that shift... I work differ shifts through out the week.

When she is working I sleep in the bed, she sleeps in the bed in the afternoon. When we are both off or if she sleeps longer than usual on an off day I will sleep in the living room on the futon.

I know NC will not be possible in my situation but should I distance myself more? I feel we have been connecting recently but I don't know if I am just easing her through the process or not

[anime92]

How to work on it once she is gone is a huge concern for me!

I know her plans are to leave. I know she's actively looking for jobs. I know she hasn't booked a plane ticket yet. I know she hasn't filed for divorce yet.

I know that I need to GAL and find myself in the time being. I am involved with a few different things right now. I just sent my resume to another company, a change in jobs may be helpful, new atmosphere no memories. No co workers that know things...

We will see if that plays out I cannot afford a pay cut so if it's not appropriate pay wise I will have to stay in my current job until something else comes along

I am having mixed emotions as far as should I try to remove her from my mind or should I just live with her there?

If I need to remove her how do I go about that?

[PacLove]

I don't know as if you want to remove her, I haven't come to that stage yet. Still wearing the wedding ring although I put the pictures at the office in my drawer as they were a constant distraction during the day everytime I saw them.

As for switching jobs, it depends on how you enjoy your current one and how relaxed/comfortable you have it. I did that (before the BD) and my W perceived it negatively as I gave up s in the process. In the end though I was much happier until BD - the challenge being though in a new role you want to perform - that's hard to do without a clear mind!!! Ever since BD it's been very trying on me.

[anime92]

I did that (before the BD) and my W perceived it negatively as I gave up s in the process.

Thank you paclove on question what are you referring to when you say "I gave up s"

We are not wearing rings. I'm not sure if she ever felt it necessary to wear rings herself, but I always told her that it was not a big deal for me. She was working and getting tips so she always said it was nice not having a ring and that may help with tips sometimes. I know she did wear it many times and eventually I put my ring on and wore it always.

I personally don't need rings to validate my marriage but I had a feeling she wanted me to wear it so I started to.

I am seeing a new job as a fresh start something to focus on and keep my mind off this using it as a distraction.

I met my W at my current job and we both still work there to this day. We have shared quite a few memories there. There are people that we both know that have only heard one side of the story and it's unfair to me and her that they will come up with conclusions based on one side. Now I can't go up to these people and start asking them what they have been told or start telling them my side out of the blue because I am supposed to be in the dark about them knowing. I'm actually very surprised that the information hasn't spread through to everyone, because when we got married that spread like wildfire and just started as a rumor we didn't tell anyone in the department where it spread from.

Regardless the memories are going to be there and I'm not super thrilled with my job. I like my co workers in my department and a few throughout. But I would really like to do something else. This other job is exactly the same so I'm not 100% sold on it and again if the pay isn't where I want it it won't be worth it. As much as I know there are people that may see me in a different light now. I do have a support system already in place there.

I don't have any pictures at work but at home I do enjoy looking at our wedding photo and other photos we have around the apartment. They always bring a smile to my face. Then again she brings a smile to my face as well when she is around.