Sparkling none the wiser

[Sparkls]

Thanks guys.
There's just a lot going on for me right now.
I spent the morning at the cemetery arranging my moms funeral (6 months over due). Having lunch with my dad at our favorite Indian place which will be nice.

I struggle with saying anything to H's family while I"m in town. I'd like to take his mom out for dinner to thank her for all she's done for me, since this is likely to be the last time I ever see her. But that goes against everything DB and if it gets back to him that we did, it'll be seen as me still trying to control him (despite that not being why I'm doing it). It's the little things, like his sister LOVES our dogs. I have them here with me, I know she'd love to see them. But they aren't apart of his life anymore, he walked away from all that and hasn't even asked how they are. I know it's just dogs but he's raised them since pups.
I just didn't anticipate how hard the memories here were going to be. And since everyone here is, you know, an adult, they work during the day so I have more down time than I'd like.

You guys all see me at my worst. I do function fairly well. Go about my day, do adult things, get things done. But it all just feels hollow and hopeless and wrong.